Has it really been six months since my last post? I believe I have waited so long to write because I have so much I want to say and I am overwhelmed and not really sure where to start. I am not sure if blogging is the best match for my skill set, as I am pretty sure successful bloggers pick one topic per post and write about it in a concise fashion, maybe inserting a relevant quote or a pretty picture but I am not concise and I am terrible with even the basics of technology so I struggle. I believe I would make a better writer (like of a book) since I am a really fast at typing and would be able to give excruciatingly painful details (which is how my husband describes the way I tell stories, but my women friends find fascinating and witty.)
Anyhow, as I look back at the evolution of my blog, it is clear that I started writing during a vulnerable, yet exciting time of life when I embarked on what I would call a quest for truth. A series of challenges in my life clearly showed me that I was not in control and forced me to seriously start questioning exactly who was. I also needed some coping skills to navigate the stormy seas I was entering because at times, I literally felt like I was drowning. It was uncharted territory for me...my security as I knew it was being stripped away as a result of job loss, which led to a certain identity crisis not to mention financial fears and struggles, which led to marital problems and exposed all sorts of cracks in the foundation of my life. And of course this was all happening during a season when we were in the midst of raising our very small children (throw in a unplanned pregnancy with child #3), which is a time of life that under the best circumstances can cause even the most sane person to come completely undone!
I will save the details of my journey for my book :-) but the purpose of this entry is to bring a conclusion to this wild ride I have been on for the last few years and mark the next chapter of my journey. Now that the dark clouds are behind me I can clearly see in the rear view mirror and make sense of what felt so utterly confusing at the time it was all happening. What I know now is that there was a purpose for my suffering and there is a purpose for every person's suffering. And that if you are sincere in your efforts to know the Truth, you will find it. If you are open and wait in faith, the answers will come. "Ask, and you will receive. Search, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened for you." That is exactly what I set out to do in the beginning of my spiritual quest that started with studying and practicing yoga, a dedicated meditation practice and a delve into Interfaith Religion. Little did I know that this intense time of seeking would lead me straight to the person who holds the answers to every single one of life's questions: Jesus Christ. Ever hear of him? And to the book that is such an amazing gift from God offering a complete set of instructions on how to experience the abundant peace, joy, love, security,
health and wholeness that God intends for our lives : the Bible. Ever heard of that book?
I was quite familiar with both Jesus and the Bible having spent my childhood at church and Sunday school and having been raised in a Christian family, but why on Earth would I find the answers THERE? Being the rebel that I am, I had to go and find the answers MY way. But God allowed that for me, as He gently and lovingly used these experiences to lead me right back to Him and into a relationship with Jesus. My departure into relative truth (i.e. rationalizing what essentially was sinful behavior) helped me to discover absolute truth. As a new Christian, I am practically bursting at the seams I am so full of love and awe and gratitude that will spend the rest of this Earthly life and beyond in the loving embrace of my Creator. I just wonder why it took me so long to figure this all out but also know that only God has the answer to that question. Yet, I do ponder daily another burning question that remains for me: how can I help spread the good news of the Gospel to our broken world that is so desperately in need of the healing power of Jesus? How can the Church (which really means followers of Jesus) make his beautiful teachings resonate in a world that seems to have deemed Christianity as corrupt and hypocritical, or for weirdos without a brain, or just plain uncool?
Recently I had the amazing opportunity to travel to Dartmouth College to hear a lecture given by Ravi Zacharius who is a Christian apologetic (which is an interesting name for someone who actually argues and defends FOR the faith). I strongly suggest that anyone with questions about Christianity (and let me PLEASE insert here that any true seeker SHOULD have questions and doubts, and that being a Christian does not mean you check your brain at the door and accept any teachings with blind faith.) I challenge you to seek the answers to your questions and to test the VALIDITY of the faith as an important part of the process. If you are so inclined to do this, Ravi Zacharius provides extremely intelligent and LOGICAL answers to many of the difficult questions people have surrounding the Christian faith.
Anyhow, in Ravi's book "Has Christianity Failed You?" he quotes a British author by the name of A.N. Wilson, "who only a few years ago was known for his scathing attacks on Christianity and his mockery of its sacred truths. This year, Wilson celebrated Easter at a church with a group of other church members, proclaiming that the Jesus of the Gospels is the only story that makes sense out of life and its challenges." Here is Wilson in his own words, which for me summarizes why so many of us in today's times, including myself, have experienced an aversion to Christianity:
"Why did I, along with so many others, become so dismissive of Christianity?
Like most educated people in Britain and Northern Europe, I have grown up in a culture that is overwhelmingly secular and anti-religious. The universities, broadcasters, and media generally are not merely non-religious, they are positively anti.
To my shame, I believe it was this that made me lose faith and heart in my youth. It felt so uncool to be religious. With the mentality of a child in the playground, I felt at some visceral level that being religious was unsexy, like having spots or wearing specs.
This playground mentality accounts for much of the attitude toward Christianity that you pick up, say, from the alternative comedians, and the casual light blasphemy of jokes on TV or radio.
It also lends weight to the fervor of the ant-God fanatics, such as the writer Christopher Hitchen and the geneticist Richard Dawkins, who think all the evil in the world is actually caused by religion...
My own return to faith has surprised no one more than myself. Why did I return to it? Partially, perhaps it is no more than the confidence I have gained with age.
...My belief has come about in large measure because of the lives and examples of people I have known - not the famous, not saints, but friends and relations who have lived, and faced death, in the light of the resurrection story, or in the quiet acceptance that they have a future after they die."
I also agree that my belief has in large part come from the magic I have seen happen before my very eyes. I have witnessed prayers that are miraculously answered, I have seen supernatural transformation, healing and restoration brought into my life and marriage as a result of placing God and Biblical principles at the center of them, and I have felt a river of joy rushing through me DESPITE the circumstances I find myself in. Simply put, I have tested the teachings of Jesus and Christianity and they work, and I feel more alive and full of hope and possibility than I ever have before. This is all the proof I need to believe that God is real, and that Jesus is "the way, the Truth and the life." Thankfully, I have worked through the whole idea that it's not cool to love Jesus. (He knows I felt that way at one time and loves me anyway! Yay!) So I am excited to put it out there to all my faithful blog followers (if any remain!)
Friday, October 25, 2013
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Perfectly Imperfect
Sitting here on Easter Eve I think the timing could not be better for me to put down in writing many thoughts that have been culminating in my heart and mind on the topic of darkness and sin. If you are reading this and are uncomfortable with the word "sin" or the idea that you are not perfect, or if it terrifies you to think about revealing your less than attractive qualities to other people or to your self, then you might want to stop reading here because what I am going to say will probably make you uncomfortable, or might not make any sense to you at all.
I used to be one of the people I describe above. I knew to some extent that I had flaws and that I made mistakes from time to time, but I basically thought I was a smart, good and decent person and that I would always know to do the right thing, which I wrongly believed made me immune to making bad choices and set me apart from "those other people" who made stupid mistakes and displayed reckless behavior. Certainly I was not someone capable of making an enormous, destructive mistake that would resemble a near-death sentence for my marriage and a wrecking ball to the beautiful family I am blessed with. But I did.
It has taken me many months of reflection and some odd hours of therapy to fully understand what happened in my life to lead me to make some of the decisions that I did (which I will not discuss in detail but most people close to me know the story and those that don't can probably surmise to a certain extent.) I am so thankful for the understanding and compassion I have gained in seeing how my life circumstances and the beliefs I formulated surrounding these experiences contributed to why things unfolded for me as they did. This is not an excuse, but simply an acknowledgment that there is always something more behind someone's behavior than meets the eye. Once the dust settled from this major upset that had occurred in my life I was left saying to myself "How the *&%$ did this happen?" I sought therapy to help me understand. So here in-lies the message I would like to communicate based on what I have learned through my painful, sobering and life changing experience.
One thing that is universal to all humans is that we have needs ranging in complexity from physical to emotional and ultimately spiritual. All behavior is an attempt to meet these needs (We are thirsty, we reach for a drink. We have an itch, we scratch it. We want to emotionally connect with someone, we pick up the phone and call a friend. You catch my drift.) I am starting to see very clearly that the cause for the majority of our pain and suffering in life and in relationships is a direct result of not knowing how to meet our own personal needs in a healthy way, either on our own or by asking someone else for help. Destructive behavior is essentially a lousy and clumsy attempt at meeting a need because we just don't know how to do it and we have major blind spots that prevent us from seeing what is really going on. This phenomenon has become abundantly clear to me in my role as a parent. I have learned, and believe, that when children act out or "misbehave" the child is simply showing us that she has a need and is just trying to meet it to the best of her ability. Therefore she may resort to some type of behavior (like hitting, shouting or crying) in an attempt to meet her need and we label this behavior as "bad." And often times we punish the child instead of trying to understand what is really the root cause of this behavior, which is our job as a parent. But, I digress... When this happens however, it is much easier for us to forgive children for their behavior because we expect that since they are kids, they just do not know any better. But isn't it the same with us adults? Could it be that when we make mistakes in our lives we are basically over sized children trying unsuccessfully to have one of our needs met? How different would the world look if we could view poor decisions made by other people in this light, rather through the harsh and judgmental lens we tend to use while evaluating other people's behavior? Obviously there are things we should be expected to know better as adults than children and we all must be held responsible for our behavior, but there is A LOT to learn in life and it is unrealistic to think that we know it all. I believe we are put on this Earth to learn and grow closer to God and if we knew everything already there would be no purpose for us to even be here. A mantra that I often repeat to myself when I am frustrated or hurt by another person's actions is "He or she is doing the best they can with they have at this time." I fully embrace this as the truth.
Yet I still found myself sitting in my therapist's office feeling completely dumbfounded over the fact that some one as intelligent, conscious and from my perspective, genuinely loving and caring as myself could make a mistake that in hindsight seemed so obviously wrong, hurtful and destructive. And I asked my therapist for the umpteenth time...."But how could I have done this?" And her response was, "YOU JUST DIDN'T KNOW." Could it really be that simple?
So what do we do in this situation, when we come face to face with our imperfection and our inherently sinful nature? I have learned it gets me nowhere fast to stay stuck in shame or judgment of myself but I have also realized it is necessary to fully feel the emotions that come along with seeing and realizing the ramifications of my actions and the pain I caused to important people in my life . For me to move forward with forgiving myself I had to lay down all my defenses and become completely vulnerable in admitting how wrong I was. And that is not easy to do. But once I did, I felt a lightness that I had not felt before, and I experienced grace in the true sense of the word. Only then could I truly begin the work of learning and growing from my mistake, which clearly is the only option (unless you prefer to stay stuck and fester in negative thoughts about yourself.) But again, the point I want to make is how critical it is to go through the process of fully embracing and seeing the unattractive, sinful, child-like parts of yourself and seeing the painful truth that we are blind and ignorant in many ways. Growth will not occur by glossing over, denying or repressing the truth, because the parts of ourselves that need healing will remain outside our field of vision, in our unconscious. In order for true forgiveness and ultimately growth to occur one must allow the light of one's awareness to shine on these blind spots so they can be integrated and then healed and transformed into healthier patterns. The challenging part and the true definition of "loving oneself" is that meeting our dysfunction face to face needs to happen with a gentleness and compassion towards oneself instead of in harsh judgment that can lead to debilitating feelings of shame.
I am working on this. Some days are better than others and as with most processes, it is not linear. But I know that overall I am a stronger, wiser, healthier, humbler and more compassionate person as a result of it all. So much so that I give thanks to God for bringing these lessons into our life because we are gaining, growing and changing for the better in so many ways. I am ready to leave this painful chapter behind, but the world will not let me easily forget my mistakes as there are natural consequences that I must face every day. But I try to focus on the good things that are coming into my life and into my marriage as a result of the trials we have endured. Everything that happens to us in our life can be used to our advantage if we choose to see it this way and love really can conquer all.
I have found that the more I am humbled by my realization of how imperfect I am, the more joy, love and freedom I experience in my life. Perhaps it's because I am not exerting so much energy trying to desperately hide the obvious fact that I am flawed (as we all are in some way.) Perhaps it's because when your dark sides are exposed, they are met and embraced by the opposite of dark, and this light begins to fill you up and shine brightly and warmly inside of you. Additionally, once you see how flawed you are yourself, you begin to judge others less, and traits in other people that used to bring irritation or anger now elicit a friendlier, more compassionate response. And if you are REALLY lucky, as I am, you even still have some friends and family supporting you unconditionally and a strong and courageous husband learning these valuable lessons along side of you, which is one of the greatest gifts of my life.
But I believe the ultimate reward for being brave enough to face down your demons and being humbled and cracked open by the mistakes we are all capable of making simply because we are human, is the fact that space is then cleared out for you to receive God's abundant love, grace and forgiveness into your life and your heart. The true gift is that once we are forced to see how broken and inadequate we really are and that we are not capable of navigating this life on our own, we have no choice but to rest and trust in the loving hands of God who is so much bigger and more capable than we are. This feeling and experience is simply beyond words.
Happy Easter!
I used to be one of the people I describe above. I knew to some extent that I had flaws and that I made mistakes from time to time, but I basically thought I was a smart, good and decent person and that I would always know to do the right thing, which I wrongly believed made me immune to making bad choices and set me apart from "those other people" who made stupid mistakes and displayed reckless behavior. Certainly I was not someone capable of making an enormous, destructive mistake that would resemble a near-death sentence for my marriage and a wrecking ball to the beautiful family I am blessed with. But I did.
It has taken me many months of reflection and some odd hours of therapy to fully understand what happened in my life to lead me to make some of the decisions that I did (which I will not discuss in detail but most people close to me know the story and those that don't can probably surmise to a certain extent.) I am so thankful for the understanding and compassion I have gained in seeing how my life circumstances and the beliefs I formulated surrounding these experiences contributed to why things unfolded for me as they did. This is not an excuse, but simply an acknowledgment that there is always something more behind someone's behavior than meets the eye. Once the dust settled from this major upset that had occurred in my life I was left saying to myself "How the *&%$ did this happen?" I sought therapy to help me understand. So here in-lies the message I would like to communicate based on what I have learned through my painful, sobering and life changing experience.
One thing that is universal to all humans is that we have needs ranging in complexity from physical to emotional and ultimately spiritual. All behavior is an attempt to meet these needs (We are thirsty, we reach for a drink. We have an itch, we scratch it. We want to emotionally connect with someone, we pick up the phone and call a friend. You catch my drift.) I am starting to see very clearly that the cause for the majority of our pain and suffering in life and in relationships is a direct result of not knowing how to meet our own personal needs in a healthy way, either on our own or by asking someone else for help. Destructive behavior is essentially a lousy and clumsy attempt at meeting a need because we just don't know how to do it and we have major blind spots that prevent us from seeing what is really going on. This phenomenon has become abundantly clear to me in my role as a parent. I have learned, and believe, that when children act out or "misbehave" the child is simply showing us that she has a need and is just trying to meet it to the best of her ability. Therefore she may resort to some type of behavior (like hitting, shouting or crying) in an attempt to meet her need and we label this behavior as "bad." And often times we punish the child instead of trying to understand what is really the root cause of this behavior, which is our job as a parent. But, I digress... When this happens however, it is much easier for us to forgive children for their behavior because we expect that since they are kids, they just do not know any better. But isn't it the same with us adults? Could it be that when we make mistakes in our lives we are basically over sized children trying unsuccessfully to have one of our needs met? How different would the world look if we could view poor decisions made by other people in this light, rather through the harsh and judgmental lens we tend to use while evaluating other people's behavior? Obviously there are things we should be expected to know better as adults than children and we all must be held responsible for our behavior, but there is A LOT to learn in life and it is unrealistic to think that we know it all. I believe we are put on this Earth to learn and grow closer to God and if we knew everything already there would be no purpose for us to even be here. A mantra that I often repeat to myself when I am frustrated or hurt by another person's actions is "He or she is doing the best they can with they have at this time." I fully embrace this as the truth.
Yet I still found myself sitting in my therapist's office feeling completely dumbfounded over the fact that some one as intelligent, conscious and from my perspective, genuinely loving and caring as myself could make a mistake that in hindsight seemed so obviously wrong, hurtful and destructive. And I asked my therapist for the umpteenth time...."But how could I have done this?" And her response was, "YOU JUST DIDN'T KNOW." Could it really be that simple?
So what do we do in this situation, when we come face to face with our imperfection and our inherently sinful nature? I have learned it gets me nowhere fast to stay stuck in shame or judgment of myself but I have also realized it is necessary to fully feel the emotions that come along with seeing and realizing the ramifications of my actions and the pain I caused to important people in my life . For me to move forward with forgiving myself I had to lay down all my defenses and become completely vulnerable in admitting how wrong I was. And that is not easy to do. But once I did, I felt a lightness that I had not felt before, and I experienced grace in the true sense of the word. Only then could I truly begin the work of learning and growing from my mistake, which clearly is the only option (unless you prefer to stay stuck and fester in negative thoughts about yourself.) But again, the point I want to make is how critical it is to go through the process of fully embracing and seeing the unattractive, sinful, child-like parts of yourself and seeing the painful truth that we are blind and ignorant in many ways. Growth will not occur by glossing over, denying or repressing the truth, because the parts of ourselves that need healing will remain outside our field of vision, in our unconscious. In order for true forgiveness and ultimately growth to occur one must allow the light of one's awareness to shine on these blind spots so they can be integrated and then healed and transformed into healthier patterns. The challenging part and the true definition of "loving oneself" is that meeting our dysfunction face to face needs to happen with a gentleness and compassion towards oneself instead of in harsh judgment that can lead to debilitating feelings of shame.
I am working on this. Some days are better than others and as with most processes, it is not linear. But I know that overall I am a stronger, wiser, healthier, humbler and more compassionate person as a result of it all. So much so that I give thanks to God for bringing these lessons into our life because we are gaining, growing and changing for the better in so many ways. I am ready to leave this painful chapter behind, but the world will not let me easily forget my mistakes as there are natural consequences that I must face every day. But I try to focus on the good things that are coming into my life and into my marriage as a result of the trials we have endured. Everything that happens to us in our life can be used to our advantage if we choose to see it this way and love really can conquer all.
I have found that the more I am humbled by my realization of how imperfect I am, the more joy, love and freedom I experience in my life. Perhaps it's because I am not exerting so much energy trying to desperately hide the obvious fact that I am flawed (as we all are in some way.) Perhaps it's because when your dark sides are exposed, they are met and embraced by the opposite of dark, and this light begins to fill you up and shine brightly and warmly inside of you. Additionally, once you see how flawed you are yourself, you begin to judge others less, and traits in other people that used to bring irritation or anger now elicit a friendlier, more compassionate response. And if you are REALLY lucky, as I am, you even still have some friends and family supporting you unconditionally and a strong and courageous husband learning these valuable lessons along side of you, which is one of the greatest gifts of my life.
But I believe the ultimate reward for being brave enough to face down your demons and being humbled and cracked open by the mistakes we are all capable of making simply because we are human, is the fact that space is then cleared out for you to receive God's abundant love, grace and forgiveness into your life and your heart. The true gift is that once we are forced to see how broken and inadequate we really are and that we are not capable of navigating this life on our own, we have no choice but to rest and trust in the loving hands of God who is so much bigger and more capable than we are. This feeling and experience is simply beyond words.
Happy Easter!
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Be. Here. Now.
The difference between the title of my last post ("What Next?") and this one ("Be. Here. Now.") strikes me as humorous, and causes me to look back with tenderness on my self, as I see with such clarity now how I have lived most of my life with an obsession of the future, which pulled me out of the pristine perfection of the present moment. I feel a little sorry looking back at the old me (like I want to give myself a hug) because I think I missed a lot of the beauty and joy of life as a result of my constant worrying, planning and controlling, but also feel much gratitude that I still have a hell of a lot of living to do!
So...the content of my last post seems inflated with all of my "grand plans"on how I think my new career and life purpose will look. I really thought I had it all figured out when I wrote that! A lot can happen in seven months. In September I was blessed with my beautiful, new son, Judah Wright. Just a mere 9 days after he was born, I attended my first class in the Tree of Life Seminary program. There I was, sitting in a circle of 8 other seminary students, in a silent meditation while my newborn baby slurped away at my breast and farted contentedly. One might think that I would catch on at this point that perhaps it would be extremely challenging, if not completely impossible, to commit to a seminary program that had at its foundation, a requirement for a daily meditation practice. On a good day with three kids age five and under, I can shower, brush my teeth and remember to eat. It did not take me long to realize that I simply would not be able to complete the work required of me in the program, as much as I wanted to believe I could, without sacrificing my sanity and health, and therefore causing my family to suffer.
This extreme change of heart (going from entering the program with eagerness and enthusiasm to withdrawing from the class) gave me no choice but to reflect on why I made the decision I did to enroll in the seminary in the first place...especially in light of the fact that it seemed like a really bad idea. What I discovered in this process was surprising and liberating. First and foremost, I recognized in myself a tendency to be blind to what is in front of me RIGHT NOW. Blind to the present moment..consumed with something else. Clearly, life is showing that what is required of me right now is to be a wife and a mother and I want to perform these roles to the best of my ability. The reality is that I am currently maxed out with being a wife and a mother and have little energy left for much else. So why was I looking to take on a huge commitment that would be a drain on my already very limited time and resources? The answer to this question was the one that was the most revealing, and healing, for me: I finally saw that I was equating achievement with success. In my mind, if I was not working towards some future, tangible goal, I was not successful in life. Never mind that I am doing what I truly believe in my heart to be the most important work there is: raising three children and creating a happy and healthy home environment with the strongest foundation possible for our family. My prayers have been answered, and I am finally given the opportunity to do exactly what I have always known that I wanted...to be in the comfort of my home raising my beautiful children...and I cannot relax into it! How crazy is that? But the sad truth is I think we all do it, all of the time.
The gift of life, the present moment, the joy and peace that passes all understanding, is as close and accessible to each one of us as our own breath. But it is usually glossed over, ignored, and feels completely inaccessible because we do not know where or how to find it. We do not know how to simply focus our attention on our breath because we are so used to focusing our energy on things outside and around us. Our inner landscape is completely unfamiliar, uncharted territory. We are too busy chasing whatever it is we have fooled ourselves into believing will make us good, worthy people and enhancing our false sense of self when the jewel of life, the treasure, is within us.
Once I was able to see the TRUTH of my situation, I was overwhelmed with a joy I have not yet experienced since my time began as a stay at home mom almost three years ago. Now a day does not go by that I am not overflowing with joy and gratitude for my ability to relax into the present moment and therefore enjoy and savor this time of my life.
I challenge you to ask yourself what pulls you out of the present moment? How do you try to organize and categorize your life to paint the kind of picture you want to see, but one that may be very different than reality? What are you trying to run away from?
So...the content of my last post seems inflated with all of my "grand plans"on how I think my new career and life purpose will look. I really thought I had it all figured out when I wrote that! A lot can happen in seven months. In September I was blessed with my beautiful, new son, Judah Wright. Just a mere 9 days after he was born, I attended my first class in the Tree of Life Seminary program. There I was, sitting in a circle of 8 other seminary students, in a silent meditation while my newborn baby slurped away at my breast and farted contentedly. One might think that I would catch on at this point that perhaps it would be extremely challenging, if not completely impossible, to commit to a seminary program that had at its foundation, a requirement for a daily meditation practice. On a good day with three kids age five and under, I can shower, brush my teeth and remember to eat. It did not take me long to realize that I simply would not be able to complete the work required of me in the program, as much as I wanted to believe I could, without sacrificing my sanity and health, and therefore causing my family to suffer.
This extreme change of heart (going from entering the program with eagerness and enthusiasm to withdrawing from the class) gave me no choice but to reflect on why I made the decision I did to enroll in the seminary in the first place...especially in light of the fact that it seemed like a really bad idea. What I discovered in this process was surprising and liberating. First and foremost, I recognized in myself a tendency to be blind to what is in front of me RIGHT NOW. Blind to the present moment..consumed with something else. Clearly, life is showing that what is required of me right now is to be a wife and a mother and I want to perform these roles to the best of my ability. The reality is that I am currently maxed out with being a wife and a mother and have little energy left for much else. So why was I looking to take on a huge commitment that would be a drain on my already very limited time and resources? The answer to this question was the one that was the most revealing, and healing, for me: I finally saw that I was equating achievement with success. In my mind, if I was not working towards some future, tangible goal, I was not successful in life. Never mind that I am doing what I truly believe in my heart to be the most important work there is: raising three children and creating a happy and healthy home environment with the strongest foundation possible for our family. My prayers have been answered, and I am finally given the opportunity to do exactly what I have always known that I wanted...to be in the comfort of my home raising my beautiful children...and I cannot relax into it! How crazy is that? But the sad truth is I think we all do it, all of the time.
The gift of life, the present moment, the joy and peace that passes all understanding, is as close and accessible to each one of us as our own breath. But it is usually glossed over, ignored, and feels completely inaccessible because we do not know where or how to find it. We do not know how to simply focus our attention on our breath because we are so used to focusing our energy on things outside and around us. Our inner landscape is completely unfamiliar, uncharted territory. We are too busy chasing whatever it is we have fooled ourselves into believing will make us good, worthy people and enhancing our false sense of self when the jewel of life, the treasure, is within us.
Once I was able to see the TRUTH of my situation, I was overwhelmed with a joy I have not yet experienced since my time began as a stay at home mom almost three years ago. Now a day does not go by that I am not overflowing with joy and gratitude for my ability to relax into the present moment and therefore enjoy and savor this time of my life.
I challenge you to ask yourself what pulls you out of the present moment? How do you try to organize and categorize your life to paint the kind of picture you want to see, but one that may be very different than reality? What are you trying to run away from?
"The Truth will set you free."
~Jesus
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