Recently, my yoga teacher and health coach Maureen Miller received a suggestion from a student to write about the topic of how to continue to "live in the mystery" in a world that constantly demands that we solve it....solve how to pay the bills, how to make enough money, how to have enough time, how to plan for our future, etc. Since this is something I have been pondering myself I decided to take a stab at answering the question on my blog in my own words. Maureen will also be offering her spin so please visit her at www.livinglifemakingchoices.
For me, this past year has collectively been one the biggest "teaching moments" of my life on this very topic. I have been very blessed to never have to worry about financial security...until this year. I realized that it is quite challenging to "live in the flow" while something very concrete, such as your bank account, is sending off alarms that things are not OK. I imagine this goes for many things in life, such as illness or injury (Your body and symptoms are presenting evidence that something is not OK) or any type of loss (That thing, or person, is no longer there! How can things possibly still be OK?) I found myself struggling with this question. I would feel the anxiety start to overtake me and I would try to relax into it telling myself that all is well and that I need to trust in the universe to provide for me but the rebuttal from my ego was always "Your bank account, and these cold, hard numbers are telling a different story and you are screwed."
Hmmm...this was quite a dilemma for me. During the year I certainly made steps such as simply becoming aware of the fear driven emotions I was having and learning they were not reality and not "me." I also realized that despite all of my worry and anxiety about how we would continue to get by, we were still getting by, so the worrying was clearly not serving me at all. Intellectually I was starting to grasp certain spiritual concepts, and spiritually I was learning how to live in the moment and at times feel total peace, bliss and wholeness despite the external circumstances of my life. But your ego is a powerful force to be reckoned with and how easy it was for me to fall victim once again to the false beliefs that my ego was presenting.
So one day, during meditation, something clicked for me. I will try my best to explain what I felt but it is certainly something that needs to be experienced and I am not sure it can be reasoned or explained.
There are two basic emotions that we feel as human beings: love and fear. Anything fear driven (in other words, any negative emotion such as anger, guilt, fear, envy, etc.) is coming from ego...your "false" self or your mind. Emotions driven by love (hope, joy, compassion, etc.) are stemming from your "authentic" self or soul, and is what connects you to God (or the universe, consciousness, nature, a higher power, or whatever you choose to call it.) Your mind and ego are constantly trying to solve the mystery. The trick is to acknowledge your ego without judging it. Remember, it is just doing it's job, which is to survive. Your authentic self, on the other hand, can relax into the mystery and go with the flow because it does not know fear. It can't possibly know fear, since your spirit, or essence, cannot "lose," is eternal and boundless, always with you, and completely unchanged by anything of the material world. (This is what yoga and meditation helps to teach you. You start to see your thoughts and emotions as simply clouds passing through a brilliant, blue sky...the blue sky is your true self, spirit or soul.) In my situation, my mind was working overtime crunching numbers, figuring out how we were going to make ends meet, how much more income we would need to generate to make it all work. That is because the ego identifies with all things external and therefore is constantly in a state of fear that those things will be taken away. When you get to the point where all of your grasping and attempts at solving your problem fail and there is simply nothing left to cling to, something really beautiful happens. Pema Chodron calls this states "groundlessness" and I love that term. Once you realize you have no more ground to stand on you have no choice but to relax, release and let go....and then you realize "Holy shit! That was a crazy ride, but I am getting off and am still in one piece." Your external situation hasn't changed at all but you are still OK. In fact, you are more than OK because this place you relax into is literally heaven on earth. The amazing thing is that it is always there every second of every day for us to choose. Sadly, thoughts and emotions such as guilt, regret, fear or worry (in other words, thoughts of past or future) can quickly pull us away from the gift of the present moment.
So, I am wondering as I reread my post if this helps answer the question about how to live in the mystery in our structured, material world. I think what it comes down to is the fact that there are always bills to be paid, jobs to be worked, things to plan for in the future. But we have to learn at some point that we cannot and do not control everything that happens in our lives. So what do we do? We go along, make the best choices we can from a place of love, let go, and trust the universe to take care of the rest. Easier said than done, right? But totally doable.
I have read in my many books, most recently in Wayne Dyer's interpretation of the Tao Te Ching, that it is possible to live a worry free existence. Now that I have had a taste of it, I know that to be true. How liberating this is! This is not to say that I will no longer experience moments of fear, panic or even complete terror but I certainly feel better equipped to deal with whatever life throws my way. I am a spiritual girl living in a material world, loving and trusting the mystery and enjoying the ride.
