tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19025020420939366742024-03-12T20:05:30.172-07:00GlowLaurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03038146609591067005noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1902502042093936674.post-86680900351338376142013-10-25T23:11:00.003-07:002013-10-25T23:11:50.613-07:00Was Blind But Now I SeeHas it really been six months since my last post? I believe I have waited so long to write because I have so much I want to say and I am overwhelmed and not really sure where to start. I am not sure if blogging is the best match for my skill set, as I am pretty sure successful bloggers pick one topic per post and write about it in a concise fashion, maybe inserting a relevant quote or a pretty picture but I am not concise and I am terrible with even the basics of technology so I struggle. I believe I would make a better writer (like of a book) since I am a really fast at typing and would be able to give excruciatingly painful details (which is how my husband describes the way I tell stories, but my women friends find fascinating and witty.)<br />
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Anyhow, as I look back at the evolution of my blog, it is clear that I started writing during a vulnerable, yet exciting time of life when I embarked on what I would call a quest for truth. A series of challenges in my life clearly showed me that I was not in control and forced me to seriously start questioning exactly who was. I also needed some coping skills to navigate the stormy seas I was entering because at times, I literally felt like I was drowning. It was uncharted territory for me...my security as I knew it was being stripped away as a result of job loss, which led to a certain identity crisis not to mention financial fears and struggles, which led to marital problems and exposed all sorts of cracks in the foundation of my life. And of course this was all happening during a season when we were in the midst of raising our very small children (throw in a unplanned pregnancy with child #3), which is a time of life that under the best circumstances can cause even the most sane person to come completely undone!<br />
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I will save the details of my journey for my book :-) but the purpose of this entry is to bring a conclusion to this wild ride I have been on for the last few years and mark the next chapter of my journey. Now that the dark clouds are behind me I can clearly see in the rear view mirror and make sense of what felt so utterly confusing at the time it was all happening. What I know now is that there was a purpose for my suffering and there is a purpose for every person's suffering. And that if you are sincere in your efforts to know the Truth, you will find it. If you are open and wait in faith, the answers will come. "<span class="st">Ask, and you will receive<em></em>. Search, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened for you." That is exactly what I set out to do in the beginning of my spiritual quest that started with studying and practicing yoga, a dedicated meditation practice and a delve into Interfaith Religion. Little did I know that this intense time of seeking would lead me straight to the person who holds the answers to every single one of life's questions: Jesus Christ. Ever hear of him? And to the book that is such an amazing gift from God offering a complete set of instructions on how to experience the </span><span class="st"><span class="st">abundant peace, joy, love, security,
health and wholeness that God intends for our lives</span> : the Bible. Ever heard of<i> that </i>book? </span><br />
<span class="st"> </span><br />
<span class="st"> I was quite familiar with both Jesus and the Bible having spent my childhood at church and Sunday school and having been raised in a Christian family, but why on Earth would I find the answers THERE? Being the rebel that I am, I had to go and find the answers MY way. But God allowed that for me, as He gently and lovingly used these experiences to lead me right back to Him and into a relationship with Jesus. My departure into relative truth (i.e. rationalizing what essentially was sinful behavior) helped me to discover absolute truth. As a new Christian, I am practically bursting at the seams I am so full of love and awe and gratitude that will spend the rest of this Earthly life and beyond in the loving embrace of my Creator. I just wonder why it took me so long to figure this all out but also know that only God has the answer to that question. Yet, I do ponder daily another burning question that remains for me: how can I help spread the good news of the Gospel to our broken world that is so desperately in need of the healing power of Jesus? How can the Church (which really means followers of Jesus) make his beautiful teachings resonate in a world that seems to have deemed Christianity as corrupt and hypocritical, or for weirdos without a brain, or just plain uncool?</span><br />
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<span class="st">Recently I had the amazing opportunity to travel to Dartmouth College to hear a lecture given by Ravi Zacharius who is a Christian apologetic (which is an interesting name for someone who actually argues and defends FOR the faith). I strongly suggest that anyone with questions about Christianity (and let me PLEASE insert here that any true seeker SHOULD have questions and doubts, and that being a Christian does not mean you check your brain at the door and accept any teachings with blind faith.) I challenge you to seek the answers to your questions and to test the VALIDITY of the faith as an important part of the process. If you are so inclined to do this, Ravi Zacharius provides extremely intelligent and LOGICAL answers to many of the difficult questions people have surrounding the Christian faith.</span><br />
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<span class="st">Anyhow, in Ravi's book "Has Christianity Failed You?" he quotes a British author by the name of A.N. Wilson, "who only a few years ago was known for his scathing attacks on Christianity and his mockery of its sacred truths. This year, Wilson celebrated Easter at a church with a group of other church members, proclaiming that the Jesus of the Gospels is the only story that makes sense out of life and its challenges." Here is Wilson in his own words, which for me summarizes why so many of us in today's times, including myself, have experienced an aversion to Christianity:</span><br />
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<i><span class="st">"Why did I, along with so many others, become so dismissive of Christianity? </span></i><br />
<i><span class="st"><br /></span></i>
<i><span class="st">Like most educated people in Britain and Northern Europe, I have grown up in a culture that is overwhelmingly secular and anti-religious. The universities, broadcasters, and media generally are not merely non-religious, they are positively anti.</span></i><br />
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<i><span class="st">To my shame, I believe it was this that made me lose faith and heart in my youth. It felt so uncool to be religious. With the mentality of a child in the playground, I felt at some visceral level that being religious was unsexy, like having spots or wearing specs.</span></i><br />
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<i><span class="st">This playground mentality accounts for much of the attitude toward Christianity that you pick up, say, from the alternative comedians, and the casual light blasphemy of jokes on TV or radio.</span></i><br />
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<i><span class="st">It also lends weight to the fervor of the ant-God fanatics, such as the writer Christopher Hitchen and the geneticist Richard Dawkins, who think all the evil in the world is actually caused by religion...</span></i><br />
<i><span class="st"><br /></span></i>
<i><span class="st">My own return to faith has surprised no one more than myself. Why did I return to it? Partially, perhaps it is no more than the confidence I have gained with age.</span></i><br />
<i><span class="st"><br /></span></i>
<i>...</i><span class="st"><i>My belief has come about in large measure because of the lives and examples of people I have known - not the famous, not saints, but friends and relations who have lived, and faced death, in the light of the resurrection story, or in the quiet acceptance that they have a future after they die."</i></span><span class="st"><br /></span>
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<span class="st">I also agree that my belief has in large part come from the magic I have seen happen before my very eyes. I have witnessed prayers that are miraculously answered, I have seen supernatural transformation, healing and restoration brought into my life and marriage as a result of placing God and Biblical principles at the center of them, and I have felt a river of joy rushing through me DESPITE the circumstances I find myself in. Simply put, I have tested the teachings of Jesus and Christianity and they work, and I feel more alive and full of hope and possibility than I ever have before. This is all the proof I need to believe that God is real, and that Jesus is "the way, the Truth and the life." Thankfully, I have worked through the whole idea that it's not cool to love Jesus. (He knows I felt that way at one time and loves me anyway! Yay!) So I am excited to put it out there to all my faithful blog followers (if any remain!) </span>Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03038146609591067005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1902502042093936674.post-63143353349644890312013-03-30T21:25:00.002-07:002013-04-12T06:29:34.287-07:00Perfectly ImperfectSitting here on Easter Eve I think the timing could not be better for me to put down in writing many thoughts that have been culminating in my heart and mind on the topic of darkness and sin. If you are reading this and are uncomfortable with the word "sin" or the idea that you are not perfect, or if it terrifies you to think about revealing your less than attractive qualities to other people or to your self, then you might want to stop reading here because what I am going to say will probably make you uncomfortable, or might not make any sense to you at all. <br />
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I used to be one of the people I describe above. I knew to some extent that I had flaws and that I made mistakes from time to time, but I basically thought I was a smart, good and decent person and that I would always know to do the right thing, which I wrongly believed made me immune to making bad choices and set me apart from "those other people" who made stupid mistakes and displayed reckless behavior. Certainly I was not someone capable of making an enormous, destructive mistake that would resemble a near-death sentence for my marriage and a wrecking ball to the beautiful family I am blessed with. But I did.<br />
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It has taken me many months of reflection and some odd hours of therapy to fully understand what happened in my life to lead me to make some of the decisions that I did (which I will not discuss in detail but most people close to me know the story and those that don't can probably surmise to a certain extent.) I am so thankful for the understanding and compassion I have gained in seeing how my life circumstances and the beliefs I formulated surrounding these experiences contributed to why things unfolded for me as they did. This is not an excuse, but simply an acknowledgment that there is always something more behind someone's behavior than meets the eye. Once the dust settled from this major upset that had occurred in my life I was left saying to myself "How the *&%$ did this happen?" I sought therapy to help me understand. So here in-lies the message I would like to communicate based on what I have learned through my painful, sobering and life changing experience.<br />
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One thing that is universal to all humans is that we have needs ranging in complexity from physical to emotional and ultimately spiritual. All behavior is an attempt to meet these needs (We are thirsty, we reach for a drink. We have an itch, we scratch it. We want to emotionally connect with someone, we pick up the phone and call a friend. You catch my drift.) I am starting to see very clearly that the cause for the majority of our pain and suffering in life and in relationships is a direct result of not knowing how to meet our own personal needs in a healthy way, either on our own or by asking someone else for help. Destructive behavior is essentially a lousy and clumsy attempt at meeting a need because we just don't know how to do it and we have major blind spots that prevent us from seeing what is really going on. This phenomenon has become abundantly clear to me in my role as a parent. I have learned, and believe, that when children act out or "misbehave" the child is simply showing us that she has a need and is just trying to meet it to the best of her ability. Therefore she may resort to some type of behavior (like hitting, shouting or crying) in an attempt to meet her need and we label this behavior as "bad." And often times we punish the child instead of trying to understand what is really the root cause of this behavior, which is our job as a parent. But, I digress... When this happens however, it is much easier for us to forgive children for their behavior because we expect that since they are kids, they just do not know any better. <i>But isn't it the same with us adults? Could it be that when we make mistakes in our lives we are basically over sized children trying unsuccessfully to have one of our needs met? How different would the world look if we could</i> <i>view poor decisions made by other people in this light, rather through the harsh and judgmental lens we tend to use while evaluating other people's behavior? </i>Obviously there are things we should be expected to know better as adults than children and we all must be held responsible for our behavior, but there is A LOT to learn in life and it is unrealistic to think that we know it all. I believe we are put on this Earth to learn and grow closer to God and if we knew everything already there would be no purpose for us to even be here. A mantra that I often repeat to myself when I am frustrated or hurt by another person's actions is "He or she is doing the best they can with they have at this time." I fully embrace this as the truth.<br />
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Yet I still found myself sitting in my therapist's office feeling completely dumbfounded over the fact that some one as intelligent, conscious and from my perspective, genuinely loving and caring as myself could make a mistake that in hindsight seemed so obviously wrong, hurtful and destructive. And I asked my therapist for the umpteenth time...."But how could I have done this?" And her response was, "YOU JUST DIDN'T KNOW." Could it really be that simple?<br />
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So what do we do in this situation, when we come face to face with our imperfection and our inherently sinful nature? I have learned it gets me nowhere fast to stay stuck in shame or judgment of myself but I have also realized it is necessary to fully feel the emotions that come along with seeing and realizing the ramifications of my actions and the pain I caused to important people in my life . For me to move forward with forgiving myself I had to lay down all my defenses and become completely vulnerable in admitting how wrong I was. And that is not easy to do. But once I did, I felt a lightness that I had not felt before, and I experienced grace in the true sense of the word. Only then could I truly begin the work of learning and growing from my mistake, which clearly is the only option (unless you prefer to stay stuck and fester in negative thoughts about yourself.) But again, the point I want to make is how critical it is to go through the process of fully embracing and seeing the unattractive, sinful, child-like parts of yourself and seeing the painful truth that we are blind and ignorant in many ways. Growth will not occur by glossing over, denying or repressing the truth, because the parts of ourselves that need healing will remain outside our field of vision, in our unconscious. In order for true forgiveness and ultimately growth to occur one must allow the light of one's awareness to shine on these blind spots so they can be integrated and then healed and transformed into healthier patterns. The challenging part and the true definition of "loving oneself" is that meeting our dysfunction face to face needs to happen with a gentleness and compassion towards oneself instead of in harsh judgment that can lead to debilitating feelings of shame.<br />
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I am working on this. Some days are better than others and as with most processes, it is not linear. But I know that overall I am a stronger, wiser, healthier, humbler and more compassionate person as a result of it all. So much so that I give thanks to God for bringing these lessons into our life because we are gaining, growing and changing for the better in so many ways. I am ready to leave this painful chapter behind, but the world will not let me easily forget my mistakes as there are natural consequences that I must face every day. But I try to focus on the good things that are coming into my life and into my marriage as a result of the trials we have endured. Everything that happens to us in our life can be used to our advantage if we choose to see it this way and love really can conquer all.<br />
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I have found that the more I am humbled by my realization of how imperfect I am, the more joy, love and freedom I experience in my life. Perhaps it's because I am not exerting so much energy trying to desperately hide the obvious fact that I am flawed (as we all are in some way.) Perhaps it's because when your dark sides are exposed, they are met and embraced by the opposite of dark, and this light begins to fill you up and shine brightly and warmly inside of you. Additionally, once you see how flawed you are yourself, you begin to judge others less, and traits in other people that used to bring irritation or anger now elicit a friendlier, more compassionate response. And if you are REALLY lucky, as I am, you even still have some friends and family supporting you unconditionally and a strong and courageous husband learning these valuable lessons along side of you, which is one of the greatest gifts of my life.<br />
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But I believe the ultimate reward for being brave enough to face down your demons and being humbled and cracked open by the mistakes we are all capable of making simply because we are human, is the fact that space is then cleared out for you to receive God's abundant love, grace and forgiveness into your life and your heart. The true gift is that once we are forced to see how broken and inadequate we really are and that we are not capable of navigating this life on our own, we
have no choice but to rest and trust in the loving hands of God who is so much bigger and more capable than we are. This feeling and experience is simply beyond words.<br />
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Happy Easter!Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03038146609591067005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1902502042093936674.post-47803997082461264362013-01-22T20:17:00.000-08:002013-01-22T20:20:36.144-08:00Be. Here. Now.The difference between the title of my last post ("What Next?") and this one ("Be. Here. Now.") strikes me as humorous, and causes me to look back with tenderness on my self, as I see with such clarity now how I have lived most of my life with an obsession of the future, which pulled me out of the pristine perfection of the present moment. I feel a little sorry looking back at the old me (like I want to give myself a hug) because I think I missed a lot of the beauty and joy of life as a result of my constant worrying, planning and controlling, but also feel much gratitude that I still have a hell of a lot of living to do!<br />
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So...the content of my last post seems inflated with all of my "grand plans"on how I think my new career and life purpose will look. I really thought I had it all figured out when I wrote that! A lot can happen in seven months. In September I was blessed with my beautiful, new son, Judah Wright. Just a mere 9 days after he was born, I attended my first class in the Tree of Life Seminary program. There I was, sitting in a circle of 8 other seminary students, in a silent meditation while my newborn baby slurped away at my breast and farted contentedly. One might think that I would catch on at this point that perhaps it would be extremely challenging, if not completely impossible, to commit to a seminary program that had at its foundation, a requirement for a daily meditation practice. On a good day with three kids age five and under, I can shower, brush my teeth and remember to eat. It did not take me long to realize that I simply would not be able to complete the work required of me in the program, as much as I wanted to believe I could, without sacrificing my sanity and health, and therefore causing my family to suffer.<br />
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This extreme change of heart (going from entering the program with eagerness and enthusiasm to withdrawing from the class) gave me no choice but to reflect on why I made the decision I did to enroll in the seminary in the first place...especially in light of the fact that it seemed like a <i>really bad idea.</i> What I discovered in this process was surprising and liberating. First and foremost, I recognized in myself a tendency to be blind to what is in front of me RIGHT NOW. Blind to the present moment..consumed with something else. Clearly, life is showing that what is required of me right now is to be a wife and a mother and I want to perform these roles to the best of my ability. The reality is that I am currently maxed out with being a wife and a mother and have little energy left for much else. So why was I looking to take on a huge commitment that would be a drain on my already very limited time and resources? The answer to this question was the one that was the most revealing, and healing, for me: I finally saw that I was equating achievement with success. In my mind, if I was not working towards some future, tangible goal, I was not successful in life. Never mind that I am doing what I truly believe in my heart to be the most important work there is: raising three children and creating a happy and healthy home environment with the strongest foundation possible for our family. My prayers have been answered, and I am finally given the opportunity to do exactly what I have always known that I wanted...to be in the comfort of my home raising my beautiful children...and I cannot relax into it! How crazy is that? But the sad truth is I think we all do it, all of the time.<br />
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The gift of life, the present moment, the joy and peace that passes all understanding, is as close and accessible to each one of us as our own breath. But it is usually glossed over, ignored, and feels completely inaccessible because we do not know where or how to find it. We do not know how to simply focus our attention on our breath because we are so used to focusing our energy on things outside and around us. Our inner landscape is completely unfamiliar, uncharted territory. We are too busy chasing whatever it is we have fooled ourselves into believing will make us good, worthy people and enhancing our false sense of self when the jewel of life, the treasure, is within us.<br />
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Once I was able to see the TRUTH of my situation, I was overwhelmed with a joy I have not yet experienced since my time began as a stay at home mom almost three years ago. Now a day does not go by that I am not overflowing with joy and gratitude for my ability to relax into the present moment and therefore enjoy and savor this time of my life.<br />
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I challenge you to ask yourself what pulls you out of the present moment? How do you try to organize and categorize your life to paint the kind of picture you want to see, but one that may be very different than reality? What are you trying to run away from?<br />
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<i>"The Truth will set you free."</i></div>
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<i>~Jesus </i></div>
Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03038146609591067005noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1902502042093936674.post-68724029183478657002012-06-12T11:41:00.000-07:002012-06-12T19:55:16.707-07:00What Next?Sometimes I am overcome with the urge to pick up a really good book but am not sure where to start. Do I go on Amazon, peruse the selections and read the reviews to help me make a choice, or head to the local library and browse the shelves for something that catches my eye? Sure, these are options but I have found that what works best every time, without fail, is to simply wait and trust that the right book will come to me. Some of the most life changing books I have ever read have come to me in this manner. One I found on the shelf in the freebie section at the dump, and many others have been given to me or recommended by friends, family and acquaintances with uncanny timing.<br />
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Most recently, I realized I wanted a really good book to read on my vacation, which is coming up at the end of the month. I looked on Amazon but my gut was telling me to just wait, something will come along. A few days later, my daughter's preschool teacher, who I have gotten to know quite well over the past year, brought a book in for me that she found while clearing her shelves at home called "Yoga and the Quest for the True Self" by Stephen Cope. The author is a Western trained psychologist and now teaches yoga and holds a position at the Kripalu Center and the book is a fascinating blend of yoga philosophy and Western psychology. She said she immediately thought of me when she came across it on her shelf. Even more interesting was the story she told me of finding the book at Barnes and Noble. She recalls that she was coming out of the restroom and just happened to notice the title. Ironically, she does not even practice much yoga and the book has a very plain, unassuming cover so she wasn't sure exactly what drew her to it. But she felt compelled to buy it so she did. She loved it and was kind enough to share it and the book is having quite an impact on me.<br />
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As I listen to my deepest intuition and continue on my path I have discovered that my true passion and fascination lies in bridging the gap between Eastern and Western philosophies in healing the mind and spirit, allowing a person to live to his full potential as a whole human being. It is clear that most Western therapists do not address the role of the soul or spirit in psychotherapy. Since we exist in this world as body, mind and spirit it is alarming to me that the entire being or person is not being addressed during therapy. Since the meaning of "heal" is to "make whole" I believe we are therefore missing the mark and significantly impeding the healing process by only acknowledging the mind in Western psychotherapy (and the body in Western medicine.) <br />
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In the foreward of the book "How to Know God - The Yoga Aphorisms of Patanjali" the author states as follows: "The majority of Western phychotherapists do not, as yet, recognize the existence of the Atman, the Godhead within man - and do not, therefore, help their patients achieve the union of perfect yoga." (Perfect yoga is the union, or yoking, of individual consciousness with divine consciousness or intelligence.)<br />
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He goes on to say "As for those psychotherapists, now becoming quite numerous, who take an interest in yoga, many of them would no doubt state their position somewhat as follows: 'We can help our patients to a certain point - to an adequate degree of adjustment on the psychosocial level. Beyond that, we're not ready to go. We recognize the possibility of a higher, spiritual integration, but we prefer not to make it part of our therapy, because we believe that the two should be kept separate. If a patient wants spiritual integration, we can only send him to a yoga teacher or a minister of religion. Where we leave off, yoga begins.' And there, for the present, the problem rests."<br />
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When I read these words, it is difficult to explain how I feel, but it's like a longing in my heart, a passion, conviction and excitement over the fact that there is some serious work to be done. I see now how the path I have chosen to date is laying the ground for my future work. First, my dive into yoga teacher training, then a taste of coaching through the additional certification I completed last year through Health, Yoga, Life <a href="http://www.healthyogalife.com/">www.healthyogalife.com</a>. But I want and crave more and it feels so amazing to have clarity around the type of work and purpose I feel I am meant to do and serve in this lifetime. So, my next step will be embarking on a two year seminary program offered through the Tree of Life School for Sacred Living in Amherst, NH <a href="http://www.tolinterfaithtemple.org/">www.tolinterfaithtemple.org</a>. Upon completion of my studies I will be ordained as an Interfaith Minister. The program will serve to further my own healing and clearing so that I will best be able to connect with the divine impulse within my heart to know how to best serve and manifest my life's purpose. This concept and belief is what the entire program is centered on - it involves a serious commitment to daily spiritual practice, such as meditation and/or prayer as well as exploring the common threads found throughout the world's major faith traditions (Christianity, Buddhism, Judaism, Hinduism, etc.)<br />
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I feel that in order to support others, I need to be as far along in my own healing journey as possible, which includes continuing to further my knowledge and understanding of the psycho/spiritual realm, but most importantly to continue to enhance my <i>direct experience </i>of God, or the soul, which I know this program will help support. It will be wonderful to be surrounded by people going through a similar experience, discovery and transformation. Currently, my vision also includes embarking on a Master's Degree in Psychology but so far I have yet to find a program that fits all my needs. So, like my desire for the perfect book, I trust that the ideal program will present itself at just the right time. But I am also open to what else could be in store for me that has yet to come into my field of awareness. Stay tuned! :-)Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03038146609591067005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1902502042093936674.post-36965644830952276672012-02-24T03:39:00.001-08:002012-02-24T03:40:19.417-08:00Beautiful Quote and PhotoTo follow up on my post from earlier this week, please take a look at this beautiful photo and inspirational quote that ties in perfectly to what I was writing about. This was posted by my yoga teacher, Maureen Miller, on her Facebook page Living Life Making Choices. If you like what you see, please like her page! <br />
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<a href="http://www.facebook.com/livinglifemakingchoices#%21/photo.php?fbid=10150686837546322&set=a.10150197083856322.342194.253498356321&type=1&theater">http://www.facebook.com/livinglifemakingchoices#!/photo.php?fbid=10150686837546322&set=a.10150197083856322.342194.253498356321&type=1&theater</a>Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03038146609591067005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1902502042093936674.post-8819097307589456142012-02-21T19:11:00.000-08:002012-02-22T09:05:28.165-08:00The VoiceI feel compelled to begin this post by talking about how long it's been since my last post. But I think that's how I started last time, so it's probably getting old. But I am aware that I am a very sporadic blogger. Awareness is the first step towards change though, right?<br />
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I have missed working on my blog and could list a whole host of reasons why I haven't had time. But that would make for a really boring post, and the fact of the matter is that I simply did not make the time for it. I do not really buy into the whole "I don't have time for that" excuse. If something is a priority, time can always be created. But I am digressing here....I will say that the push I needed to finally stop procrastinating came from a friend who posted a comment today stating that I was her inspiration for her to start a blog of her own, which was one of the highest compliments I have received. Her blog is wonderful and can be viewed at http://juli-thelittlethings.blogspot.com/. It made me think "Wow, maybe I do have something to say that people find interesting." What a concept.<br />
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What I find so inspiring about reading other people's blogs is that it shows who a person really is down to the depths of his or her soul. Blogging provides an avenue for people to express his or voice and to shine his or her unique light out into the world wide web. As you know, there are blogs on just about every topic imaginable. For someone to devote the time and energy it takes to write a blog means it is something they are extremely passionate about. It just amazes me that people possess such an endless variety of fascinating hobbies, interests and talents, and how many colors to the rainbow of humanity there really are.<br />
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Yoga and meditation have helped me to clear the static of my thoughts and dial into the deepest desires and impulses of my own heart. This intuition that every person holds...the deep feelings, ideas or sensations that go beyond the five senses we are accustomed to using....has become my compass, my guide as I navigate this incredible journey of life.<br />
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I believe we are all born with these inner impulses planted in us. It is what makes us uniquely us...they are our divine gifts, or dharma, whether it be something big and bold like being a gifted athlete or something a little quieter, like being a really amazing listener. It is our duty to recognize and honor these gifts that have been bestowed upon us, whatever they may be. As the Bhagavad Gita states: <i>"It is better to perform one's own duty (dharma) imperfectly than to perform another's duty (dharma) perfectly."</i> So where doubt used to reign, I now fully trust and respect who I am and see gifts and talents where I used to see none. I listen to the little voice inside and I enjoy listening to others expressing their individual voices as well. We all have beautiful and special gifts to offer if we could just turn the volume down on the fearful and doubtful cacophony in our minds and listen instead to the song in our hearts. This song has many different melodies...it could be singing a tune about a vocation that feels as if it would be deeply fulfilling, or something particular you feel really compelled to say to someone, or just a general feeling of knowing you are on the right path. When we hear the voice from within that is sending us messages, our tendency however is to usually stifle the voice with self doubt. We may say things like "I could never make money or be successful doing that." Or, "What I have to say does not really matter." Or we might bend to the opinions of other people rather than carving the path that feels truly right for us.<br />
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This is not to say that doubt does not still arise for me. It does, a lot. But I have learned to simply take a look at this doubt, ask myself if it is true or holds any merit, look at the situation from as wide of a lens as possible and then usually default back to whatever my intuition is telling me. As the saying goes, I have learned to "doubt my doubts."<br />
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A friend recently shared this short poem written by the beloved children's poet Shel Silverstein with me. It is called "The Voice" and contains wisdom to be valued by the young and old alike:<br />
<br />
There is a voice inside of you<br />
That whispers all day long,<br />
"I feel that this is right for me,<br />
I know that <i>this</i> is wrong."<br />
No teacher, preacher, parent, friend<br />
Or wise man can decide<br />
What's right for you - just listen to<br />
The voice that speaks inside. <br />
<br />
<br />
<i><span class="st"><i> </i></span></i><span class="st"><i></i></span>Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03038146609591067005noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1902502042093936674.post-34155282982806425922011-10-05T08:53:00.000-07:002011-10-05T10:06:09.424-07:00Do You Believe in What You See?For all my faithful followers out there (all two of you :-) I want to apologize for letting so much time go by in between posts. This summer, I was completely consumed with learning the lessons I am going to discuss here. For me, they are monumental, life changing lessons that have taken 33 years and a lot of suffering to eventually learn.<br />
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The first lesson is that things are not always what they seem. EVER. Our human minds have the tendency to judge, label, confine, and organize ideas and concepts and grasp onto form as a way to feel secure. Form exists as people, objects, situations, beliefs, thoughts and feelings. Identifying with form is our way of feeling safe and in control. It is our ego's way of saying "I've got this whole life thing figured out." Unfortunately, form is also subject to the laws of nature, which means it is going to break down at some point and as humans we miss out on the true essence of life and cause ourselves suffering if we remain too rigidly attached to any kind of form. Yoga practice teaches you not only to be flexible in the body but most importantly in the mind. Yoga essentially teaches you to "go with the flow."<br />
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So, my belief (or the particular form I was identified with) was something along the lines of "My marriage is rock solid, nothing will ever crack it, and I am such a moral and highly evolved person that I would never do anything to put my marriage and family at risk." (um...hello ego!) Your mind might be running away with all sorts of guesses as to what happened here. And I am not going to explain as the story is extremely long and complicated and the details are irrelevant to the points I want to make. (Rest assured that there was no dishonesty or infidelity involved, but even if there was, it would still be OK as I am learning...just read on :-) It did however include a series of choices I made that now in hindsight do appear to be extremely poor and incredibly painful. And this perfect storm led us to a point where we were not sure our marriage was going to survive. The word "divorce" was used. Never, in a million years, would I have imagined to be having that conversation with my husband. So there you go. This belief I held about myself was dissolving right before my very eyes as a result of choices I made that seemed like the right ones at the time. Proof that nothing is as it seems. Life is energy in a constant state of flux and as humans we have the tendency to cling to form instead of staying open and flexible to the fact that things are constantly changing...in my case I was attached to the idea that I was pretty darn perfect and had an impenetrable marriage so I was shocked and humbled when life challenged this belief.<br />
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The second main lesson I learned and the one that is the most meaningful to me is what it means to truly love. The Buddhists have a term called "bodhichitta" which is essentially translated into "completely open, awakened, and enlightened heart and mind." It is equated with our ability to love. I have been reading about this concept for quite some time but only is it now that I have shifted into a true understanding of it through direct experience. According to Pema Chodron in her book "The Places that Scare You" it is only bodhichitta that heals and bodhichitta that is capable of transforming the hardest of hearts and the most prejudiced and fearful of minds. For me, I have finally used the concept of bodhichitta to heal myself and learn to love myself unconditionally, and I believe this is exactly where it needs to start.<br />
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Throughout the events of the past couple of months there have been many stones thrown and some hurtful things said and believed about me. The first step for me was finding it in my heart to forgive these people. Everyone sees the world through completely different lenses, and these unique views are the truth for each individual. I was making decisions based on my beliefs at the time, and people were judging those decisions based on their beliefs. That is all fine and good and makes sense to me. Intellectually, I do not fault anyone for having beliefs that do not line up with my own. But emotionally it was a different story. Words can be like poison if you allow them to be. And I could slowly feel myself allowing the poison to seep into my soul. Thoughts like "I am a selfish, bad and evil person, a terrible wife and mother" started swirling around my head. Which led me to my moment where my soul screamed "Stop feeding me with this toxic energy!" I finally realized that I had been accepting these false beliefs about myself for 33 years and all of these past experiences had finally brought me to this place, and to this moment, where I chose to live my life from a place of love and freedom instead of fear and self deprecation. Yes, I made some mistakes. But this is where it ends for me. I view these mistakes as golden opportunities from which I will learn as much as I possibly can and increase my awareness about myself and awaken compassion for other people who also stumble along the way. But I am not bad. No one is. We are all children of God...born as pure love, light and joy which is our natural state of being and wholeness.<br />
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Bodhichitta has the ability to transform and heal the world. There is so much pain and suffering that we inflict by the ego's need to label, judge and persecute ourselves and others. It is through self love and acceptance that we gain the ability to love others unconditionally and fully. For example, in this Perfect Storm, my husband's pain caused him to say and do some very hurtful things to me as well. I now believe I have a fuller understanding of what it means to love and forgive since I was able to do it for myself so it becomes natural to look at him, see the beauty in his soul and recognize that as his true essence. Rather than retaliate and defend with more hurtful words and actions, which would clearly escalate the situation, I am able to more easily forgive him and open my heart in compassion. And I know he is working on doing the same for me. We feel that these experiences are teaching and allowing us to love eachother in the truest sense of the word: unconditionally.<br />
<br />
So in the end, I realize how from an outsider's perspective the choices I made were the "wrong" ones. However, the only way I can explain what led me to do what I did, was that I knew, without a doubt that I was being guided by the deepest part of myself....my authentic self, my soul, or even by God, to make the decisions that I made. This is what I know. I followed my heart and my truth and it led us into this current situation that looks like a horrible accident scene from the outside, but what does it look like on the inside? It ties back to my first lesson, which is "nothing is as it seems" because from our perspective it is a beautiful place. We know in the depth of our souls that this was part of a larger plan to bring us to ground zero so that we can rebuild our life and our marriage into something even deeper, more joyous and grounded in truth than ever before and are so grateful for the opportunity.Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03038146609591067005noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1902502042093936674.post-77873004608239054272011-06-12T19:29:00.000-07:002011-06-12T19:29:02.741-07:00HomeworkToday I completed a four week Meditation Workshop with Margaret Fletcher of <a href="http://www.well-aware.org/about.html">Well Aware </a>as part of my Yoga Teacher Training. Our final class assignment was to complete our own personal statement on meditation. Well, my statement turned into a one page essay, which I am now turning into a blog post :-) Here it is....<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">“And now I cling to what I knew<br />
I saw exactly what was true<br />
But oh no more.<br />
That's why I hold,<br />
That's why I hold with all I have.<br />
That's why I hold.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">These lyrics are from the song title “After the Storm” by Mumford and Sons.<span> </span>This group’s music and lyrics are quite spiritual in nature and many of them have become personal anthems to me as I continue to unfold and grow on my own journey.<span> </span>I feel this verse in particular sums up my greatest takeaway from Margaret’s meditation workshop.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">As a relatively new meditator, I believe I spent some time in what I would call a" honeymoon phase" with meditation.<span> </span>I felt many effects almost immediately after I started meditating such as inner peace, stillness of the mind and mental and emotional spaciousness.<span> </span>I had never taken the time to just sit in silence and do the work it takes to focus your attention, start to quiet the mind and discover what is beneath all of the mental chatter, and it was exhilarating and liberating.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">During the month of my workshop, however, I experienced what I would describe as a shift in mood or a mild bout of depression.<span> </span>These low energy feelings and emotions were not new to me, but they certainly did not fit with what I had more recently been experiencing…feelings I would describe as joy, contentment and ease.<span> </span>Enter here the lyrics from above…”And now I cling to what I knew, I saw exactly what was true,<span> </span>But oh no more.”<span> </span><b><i>Oh no more</i></b>.<span> </span>In this negative emotional state I could not seem to access those feelings that I had deemed as “positive” no matter how desperately I wanted to.<span> </span>What I came to realize was that I was clinging and had become quite attached to the<i> idea of feeling good</i>.<span> </span>Yes, feeling good is nice and comfortable but feeling bad is just as normal and a natural part of the human experience.<span> </span>The Truth that is ultimately revealed during meditation is actually what lies below and gives rise to both of these feeling states.<span> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal">So I decided to take the teachings I had been learning and continue to sit with what I was feeling instead of trying to change it, as challenging as that was to me.<span> </span>I also decided to stop clinging to how I thought I should be feeling, since I recognized that this judgment was creating a lot of inner turmoil.<span> </span>What I ultimately learned from this experience is that both feeling good and feeling bad are simply temporary, transient conditions, just like our thoughts are just energy forms that rise and fall within our consciousness.<span> </span>And that the point of meditation is not to necessarily help you feel good all the time, but to simply hold the space for yourself to experience it all.<span> </span>Through the practice of sitting and observing your thoughts and the workings of your mind the real Truth is revealed to you…this Truth is the unchanging stillness within each of us that silently witnesses our ever-changing moods, thoughts and feelings. <span> </span>It is, in fact, the same consciousness that holds the entire universe and remains completely unaffected by external conditions.<span> </span>By beginning to identify yourself as your spirit, or the observer, instead of as your thoughts, emotions or life circumstances you are able to live peacefully from a state of equanimity since things are not good or bad from this perspective, they just are.<span> </span>You also begin to organically live as your highest, authentic self and not from the beliefs and barriers created by your mind or ego.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">While this Truth is right there for all of us to choose at any moment it does take work and a true commitment and desire to train and harness the mind.<span> </span>With the proper intention and a small amount of effort on a daily basis anyone can achieve similar results.<span> </span>And as this song so beautifully describes, once the Truth is experienced, there is no turning back. </div>Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03038146609591067005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1902502042093936674.post-36611542342425630862011-05-17T09:00:00.000-07:002011-05-17T10:13:27.613-07:00So....How's the Weather?I think it is pretty safe to say that spring has officially sprung here in New England. Of course there are the typical northeast weather patterns to contend with (such as the cool, rainy stretch of weather we are currently experiencing) but everything is in full bloom and bursting with life, energy and color. It is a welcome sight after many months colored by shades of brown, gray and white. Year after year, nature generously offers us the freshness of spring and the promise of brighter, warmer days ahead.<br />
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Lately I have been turning more and more to nature as a way to keep myself in balance. I recall that I used to have a tendency to become highly agitated if the weather did not cooperate and provide the sunshine I wanted on a vacation, or the snow I desired to create a picturesque white Christmas. How funny I find this that I took the weather personally and actually became emotional about it! This morning while I was sitting in silence before I started the routine of my day, I listened to the rain gently falling outside my window. Instead of feeling annoyed and wishing it was a sunny day so that I could get out for a walk (which I did), I decided to appreciate the peaceful sound of the rain and thought of how beautiful and green everything will be after this week long stretch of wet weather that is in the forecast.<br />
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I also try to apply these same qualities of gratitude and acceptance into my life on a daily basis. As much as we like to think we are separate and special, the fact is that we are an integral part of the whole universe and intricately connected to nature. Once we witness how beautifully, intelligently and perfectly everything in nature unfolds I wonder how we can even begin to imagine that we are more powerful than it or reason that it is actually productive to resist anything that shows up in our lives? <i>To oppose or try to assert power over situations or circumstances in our life creates what I visualize as a blockage to the natural, creative flow of life itself.</i><br />
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This is not to say that we should expect to feel elated and joyful over everything that happens to us, or that we are not the captains of our own ships to a certain extent. The fact is that suffering is part of the human experience. To me, it's about allowing it all to happen without creating resistance or judgment, which only leads to more suffering. To deny the dark, difficult or uncomfortable times is to deny life. To try to rush or force something to happen before it is ready to reveal itself or unfold naturally is a futile effort and a waste of energy. Again, nature is a wonderful example of this. We need to know the night to understand the day, storms to appreciate the calm winds, snow and cold to fully enjoy the warmth of basking in the sun. And just when you are ready to give up, the first flower of spring bursts through the ground.Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03038146609591067005noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1902502042093936674.post-45380996973680347202011-04-15T03:42:00.000-07:002011-04-27T05:42:04.780-07:00Spiritual Girl in a Material WorldMadonna painted a very accurate picture of our modern day society with her 1985 hit song, Material Girl. Lately I have been pondering the fact that the industrial and technological age in which we are living comprises just the tiniest fraction of time that humans have roamed the earth. It is hard for us to imagine that less than a century ago many of the modern day conveniences we are accustomed to did not exist. The vast majority of human experience on this planet has been without these "things." Without the modern day distractions that pull us further and further away from nature and our own true essence/divinity, it is no wonder that people thousands of years ago were more self actualized and spiritually enlightened than people of today. I imagine that living in closer accord with nature led them to fully grasp the fact that they were part of the whole, rather than separate from it, much sooner.<br />
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Recently, my yoga teacher and health coach Maureen Miller received a suggestion from a student to write about the topic of how to continue to "live in the mystery" in a world that constantly demands that we solve it....solve how to pay the bills, how to make enough money, how to have enough time, how to plan for our future, etc. Since this is something I have been pondering myself I decided to take a stab at answering the question on my blog in my own words. Maureen will also be offering her spin so please visit her at <a href="http://www.livinglifemakingchoices.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">www.livinglifemakingchoices.<wbr></wbr>wordpress.com</a>.<br />
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For me, this past year has collectively been one the biggest "teaching moments" of my life on this very topic. I have been very blessed to never have to worry about financial security...until this year. I realized that it is quite challenging to "live in the flow" while something very concrete, such as your bank account, is sending off alarms that things are not OK. I imagine this goes for many things in life, such as illness or injury (Your body and symptoms are presenting evidence that something is not OK) or any type of loss (That thing, or person, is no longer there! How can things possibly still be OK?) I found myself struggling with this question. I would feel the anxiety start to overtake me and I would try to relax into it telling myself that all is well and that I need to trust in the universe to provide for me but the rebuttal from my ego was always "Your bank account, and these cold, hard numbers are telling a different story and you are screwed."<br />
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Hmmm...this was quite a dilemma for me. During the year I certainly made steps such as simply becoming aware of the fear driven emotions I was having and learning they were not reality and not "me." I also realized that despite all of my worry and anxiety about how we would continue to get by, we were still getting by, so the worrying was clearly not serving me at all. Intellectually I was starting to grasp certain spiritual concepts, and spiritually I was learning how to live in the moment and at times feel total peace, bliss and wholeness despite the external circumstances of my life. But your ego is a powerful force to be reckoned with and how easy it was for me to fall victim once again to the false beliefs that my ego was presenting.<br />
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So one day, during meditation, something clicked for me. I will try my best to explain what I felt but it is certainly something that needs to be experienced and I am not sure it can be reasoned or explained. <br />
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There are two basic emotions that we feel as human beings: love and fear. Anything fear driven (in other words, any negative emotion such as anger, guilt, fear, envy, etc.) is coming from ego...your "false" self or your mind. Emotions driven by love (hope, joy, compassion, etc.) are stemming from your "authentic" self or soul, and is what connects you to God (or the universe, consciousness, nature, a higher power, or whatever you choose to call it.) Your mind and ego are constantly trying to solve the mystery. The trick is to acknowledge your ego without judging it. Remember, it is just doing it's job, which is to survive. Your authentic self, on the other hand, can relax into the mystery and go with the flow because it does not know fear. It can't possibly know fear, since your spirit, or essence, cannot "lose," is eternal and boundless, always with you, and completely unchanged by anything of the material world. (This is what yoga and meditation helps to teach you. You start to see your thoughts and emotions as simply clouds passing through a brilliant, blue sky...the blue sky is your true self, spirit or soul.) In my situation, my mind was working overtime crunching numbers, figuring out how we were going to make ends meet, how much more income we would need to generate to make it all work. That is because the ego identifies with all things external and therefore is constantly in a state of fear that those things will be taken away. When you get to the point where all of your grasping and attempts at solving your problem fail and there is simply nothing left to cling to, something really beautiful happens. Pema Chodron calls this states "groundlessness" and I love that term. Once you realize you have no more ground to stand on you have no choice but to relax, release and let go....and then you realize "Holy shit! That was a crazy ride, but I am getting off and am still in one piece." Your external situation hasn't changed at all but you are still OK. In fact, you are more than OK because this place you relax into is literally heaven on earth. <i><b>The amazing thing is that it is always there every second of every day for us to choose.</b></i> Sadly, thoughts and emotions such as guilt, regret, fear or worry (in other words, thoughts of past or future) can quickly pull us away from the gift of the present moment.<br />
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So, I am wondering as I reread my post if this helps answer the question about how to live in the mystery in our structured, material world. I think what it comes down to is the fact that there are always bills to be paid, jobs to be worked, things to plan for in the future. But we have to learn at some point that we cannot and do not control everything that happens in our lives. So what do we do? We go along, make the best choices we can from a place of love, let go, and trust the universe to take care of the rest. Easier said than done, right? But totally doable.<br />
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I have read in my many books, most recently in Wayne Dyer's interpretation of the Tao Te Ching, that it is possible to live a worry free existence. Now that I have had a taste of it, I know that to be true. How liberating this is! This is not to say that I will no longer experience moments of fear, panic or even complete terror but I certainly feel better equipped to deal with whatever life throws my way. I am a spiritual girl living in a material world, loving and trusting the mystery and enjoying the ride.Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03038146609591067005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1902502042093936674.post-43738707816616683022011-03-22T10:25:00.000-07:002011-03-23T04:59:19.142-07:00The "Un-fluffiness" of YogaA close relative recently sent me a link to an interview she heard on NPR with a modern yogi and social activist by the name of Seane Corn <a href="http://www.seanecorn.com/">http://www.seanecorn.com/</a> I had never heard the name but listened to the podcast of the interview, which lasted about an hour. She is very inspiring and what I like about her is that she does not fit the stereotype of what most people think a "yogi" looks or sounds like. I would describe her as edgy, raw and my personal favorite: A JERSEY GIRL!<br />
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Here is an excerpt from her interview, which can be found at <a href="http://www.facebook.com/l/8774ebSrIMapmvB8gcwVca11OFg/being.publicradio.org/programs/2011/yoga/">http://www.facebook.com/l/8774ebSrIMapmvB8gcwVca11OFg/being.publicradio.org/programs/2011/yoga/</a><br />
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"I'm a really unlikely person to be doing yoga. Like I said, I was brought up in a fairly blue-collar environment. I'm not an educated woman. Very independent. And buying into all the spiritual fluffiness has never, ever been anything that I would've predicted would've happened to my life. And why I'm so attracted to it is because it's anything but fluffy." <br />
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I love this statement of yoga being anything but fluffy because I know many people conjure up the image of yoga being all about relaxing, gentle stretching, and chanting in foreign language. This is yoga at its most basic, outer level and these are all really beneficial pieces to those who practice for these reasons. However, to me, yoga, meditation and the path of spiritual growth and development takes balls (for lack of better phrasing :-) It requires courage to decide to take a hard look at ourselves and see our less than desirable behaviors and thoughts, the ways we have of judging ourselves and others, the self-limiting beliefs that are deeply ingrained in us, the illusion of separateness, and all of the ways we create suffering in our world. Looking at ourselves honestly is much more painful than doing what we have become accustomed and conditioned to do when uncomfortable thoughts, emotions or sensations arise for us...habits such as stuffing everything back down inside in order to avoid feeling or other ways of "numbing out" (such as food, alcohol, drugs, work, TV, exercise, etc.)<br />
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However, in order to see the light, it is necessary to first step into the dark. As Seane Corn says "What it (yoga) taught me — not right away, it took me awhile — once the emotions came up was that I realized that to really understand what love is and to understand this thing that they call the light, you also have to understand the opposite. You have to understand and embrace the power of the shadow, what love is not ....and the beautiful part is that if it's in me it's also in you. And if I can understand it in me, then I can also witness it and recognize it within you without judging it. I will only judge your shadow if I'm judging my own."<br />
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For me, this has definitely been one of the most amazing shifts in perspective I have experienced since practicing yoga and meditation. I see so clearly how predictable we, as humans, are. I see, without judging it, how we all create so much needless suffering for ourselves because I have witnessed myself doing it. This has instilled feelings of true compassion and connectedness rather than separation from other people. Finally, I understand how important "my shadow" is to me and am no longer afraid of it. It is, in fact, my greatest teacher.<br />
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The practice of yoga, when done with the proper intention, helps us to face these darker parts of ourselves, which in turn leads us to heal and recognize the truth about who we are. Yoga means union (of mind, body and spirit.) Seane Corn discusses in her interview how the regular practice of yoga asanas (postures) will bring up intense emotions since all of our experiences, thoughts and beliefs are stored in our cellular tissue. "And yoga is asking us to take the Band-Aid off the wound and be willing to heal it through a spiritual practice." She also discusses how holding onto these emotions (since they are are all masked and stored within the physical body) can be as detrimental to our health as a poor diet, lack of exercise or inadequate rest.<br />
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True awakening means becoming aware of and examining everything inside of us through yoga, meditation or just a constant awareness and sense of curiosity surrounding everything we do and feel. If we want authentic health and sustainable happiness in our lives, we must first be willing to confront the scary, ugly and harsh realities of what we have been harboring inside of us throughout our lives. It is only through the decision to look within and become acquainted with all parts of our self in a non-judgmental manner that we will be able to unearth what is beneath it all....our authentic, whole and peaceful selves.Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03038146609591067005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1902502042093936674.post-83723969737310784882011-02-27T12:49:00.000-08:002011-04-27T06:06:42.190-07:00Meditation 101Recently I have had a few friends ask me about meditation. "How do you do it?" "How do I stop thinking?" "What is supposed to happen?" These questions led me to contemplate this post, where I will describe meditation in my own words and relay what has worked for me, as well as incorporate some passages from a wonderful book I just finished reading (thank you Maureen) called "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron, who is an American Buddhist. <br />
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I started experimenting with meditation a few years ago. For me, it was a slower process. I didn't decide to just "become a meditator" one day. In all the reading I was doing about yoga and spirituality, meditation was always discussed as a critical component to awakening. I would read the words but was not at the point where I was ready to commit to it nor did I fully understand its importance in the process.<br />
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I recall a few evenings years ago when I had experienced a particularly stressful day at work or when something in my life was causing me anxiety to the point where my mind was working overtime and I could feel the negative, draining impact it was having on my body. Often times, I would turn to a nice big glass of red wine (or two or three) to relax. This is typical. When we feel we have reached "our edge" and whatever we are feeling becomes unbearable, we usually turn to habits that we have developed as an escape...and these things are usually something outside of us (alcohol, shopping, watching TV, surfing the net or even healthier activities like walking in nature or exercise.) At other times, we experience a subtle feeling of restlessness, uneasiness or boredom. In either case, these activities we channel our energy into may certainly provide a temporary reprieve and some pleasurable feelings, but it is never sustainable no matter how hard we try. This is frustrating so instead the feelings we are trying to escape from actually become stronger. <br />
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However, on a few occasions I was compelled to just sit with what I was feeling in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, I could just shut my mind off for a little bit and get some relief. This did not work very well in the beginning! I would light a candle, sit on the floor, try to breathe and observe my thoughts and feel like I was going to jump out of my skin. Looking back, I recall noticing the instinct to just bolt...to get up, give up, and turn off the timer I had set for myself. And many times in the beginning, I did just that.<br />
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However, I was still compelled to stick with it. The turning point, I believe, was around the time I began practicing yoga on a regular basis and things just started to click for me. However, I believe with the right intention you can start to notice a difference immediately by sitting in silence for short periods of time. My goal is to help give some guidelines for anyone who might be new to but curious about meditation. Here is how I would describe the method that worked for me, and the results I began to notice in my life. <br />
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<b><i>Start slowly</i></b> - In the beginning, set a timer for five minutes at a time. I made the mistake of attempting longer stretches right off the bat, which I do not think I was capable of in the beginning. I believe you will notice results even with five minutes of meditation a day. As you gain more practice and feel more comfortable, you will crave it and will actually want to sit for longer. I feel that 20-30 minutes twice a day is a reasonable goal to work towards.<br />
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<b><i>Sit comfortably with a straight spine</i></b> - I usually sit in a cross legged position on a mat, pillow or yoga block. As my yoga teacher Maureen pointed out it is important to have your hips higher than your legs in order to remain comfortable. I make sure I am dressed warmly or covered with a blanket. I personally avoid laying down because it is too easy to fall asleep and it is important to remain alert. Place your hands in whatever position feels right for you. (Some options are palms up or down on your thighs, or in a prayer like position with your thumbs up and finger tips lightly touching.)<br />
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<b><i>Close your eyes and breathe normally</i></b> - this is pretty self explanatory. Also, come into your body and notice the physical sensations of sitting, your clothing, your breath and the surrounding room. Basically, be totally present.<br />
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<b><i>Begin to notice your thoughts</i></b> - this is all you have to do. It sounds simple but in reality can be quite challenging. Your thoughts are powerful energy forces and have the ability to sweep your "observer self" right off the shore and into the fast, turbulent current. When you notice you have been "carried away" by a thought and are playing out a story line in your head, return to focusing on your breath and just note objectively that you are thinking. You can even say to yourself "thinking" and return to focusing on your breath. As Pema Chodron says "It's no big deal." It is what our minds were made to do; our brains are thought generating organs. To me, the goal of meditation is to notice anything and everything that comes up...both "good" and "bad" thoughts and to not judge them as either. Just notice.<br />
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<b><i>Start over (and over and over again)</i></b> - beginning again and again is the whole act of meditation practice. My instinct is that people might expect to automatically be in some continuous, altered state of mind during meditation. This may come later but not without years of practice and countless times of simply starting over when you have noticed you are lost in your thoughts. Remember, as soon as you become conscious that you have become involved with mental chatter you've freed yourself from it! <br />
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The goal of meditation is to hold the space for ourselves to experience our own wide range of emotions, thoughts and beliefs so that we are embracing ALL of ourselves and not blocking or shutting anything down. Through this awareness and experience we discover that there is something much deeper inside of us than the energy fields of thought. This allows us to connect with our soul, or the life force inside of us ..our true self. My description of this place is accessible, beautiful, peaceful, blissful, ever-present, expansive, light, and totally unshaken by anything that life can throw our way.<br />
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Our ego (or thoughts, beliefs and emotions) are a major block to coming to this place and the only way to penetrate it is to begin to notice the grip our ego and emotions have over us. So just notice that you are thinking and notice the intense emotions that rise and swell within yourself....and stay with whatever you are feeling, just noticing and observing. Once this wave passes, you are still there and you will slowly remember there is something else underneath all of the layers of "junk" we have piled on ourselves over the years; our pure, loving, joyful self that was present at birth and has always been with us because it IS us.<br />
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The first word that comes to mind when describing what has occurred in my life as result of yoga and meditation is "spaciousness." As one example, I am not as likely to become hooked by a negative thought that pops into my head. This is different than never having negative thoughts, which is a very lofty, if not impossible, goal to achieve. According to Pema Chodron, "The goal (with meditation) is not to try to get rid of thoughts, but rather to see their true nature. Thoughts will run around us in circles if we buy into them but really they are like dream images. They are like an illusion...not really all that solid." So for me, the negative thoughts are still there but because of my broader awareness and the space created through meditation, there is now room for me to break the cycle by noticing the thought and saying to myself "Just thinking" instead of immediately feeling a negative emotion as a result of the thought...which leads to the vicious cycle of more negative thoughts and feelings. I am no longer trapped.<br />
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Additionally, instead of reacting to situations or circumstances in life with typical, conditioned and often unconscious responses, meditation allows space for more intuitive, authentic and truthful action to arise. Suddenly, we begin to see things with a different, almost crystal clear perspective. <br />
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As Albert Einstein said "We cannot solve problems at the same level of consciousness that created them."Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03038146609591067005noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1902502042093936674.post-54374224030715334482011-02-14T12:59:00.000-08:002011-02-14T20:02:09.715-08:00Meditation in MotionI started my B1 Health Coaching class this week and one of the first topics that we delve right into is the importance of yoga as a self awareness tool. As I mentioned in one of my earlier posts, yoga would fully justify its place in our world as a fantastic workout and great way to stretch your muscles if that was all it offered. However, it is SO MUCH MORE.<br />
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Yoga has been around for thousands of years. I can't think of many other things that have been as sustainable. It's because it works and is a proven way to integrate mind, body and spirit. This integration is the only way to lead to longterm healing, health & happiness. Yoga also provides a gateway to one's authentic self and the opportunity to access unlocked potential.<br />
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On your mat (and off during "real life,") the key is to stay completely present in your body as well as your mind. To observe every sensation, thought, feeling and resistance that comes up. When you reach what is called your "edge" in yoga practice...when a physical or emotional sensation becomes so overwhelming that you want to flee from it, you have a choice. Physically, you can choose to stay with the feeling (as long as it is not pain you are feeling...you must have the presence of mind and body wisdom to recognize the difference.) This is when you might create a little bit more length or opening in a posture and when you grow in your physical practice! <br />
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Emotionally, something might surface that you become aware of. You can choose to completely feel this emotion or to stuff it back down inside. If you allow yourself to really feel it, you might realize that this thought or emotion does not serve you anymore and that you have no more room for it in your life. This simple observation will decrease it's holding power on you while helping you to realize that YOU are not your thoughts. You will then begin to shed layers upon layers of false beliefs that have been built around your soul over the years and come closer to revealing your authentic and peaceful self. For this process to begin however, you must feel these thoughts & emotions and face them head on, which is not always easy. <br />
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If none of this makes sense to you, don't worry! It didn't to me either until I started practicing yoga on a regular basis. I assure you, however, that through the simple act of meditating (either "in motion" during yoga or by sitting quietly and simply observing your thoughts) that something truly magical will happen to you.Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03038146609591067005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1902502042093936674.post-51174606626221648782011-02-06T18:08:00.000-08:002011-02-06T18:16:52.446-08:00Sam I Am<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=4974721&id=617772618" id="myphotolink" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img height="426" id="myphoto" src="http://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs100.snc4/36374_436122072618_617772618_5820908_2041713_n.jpg" width="233" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Sam's rocking Adho Mukha Svanasana (Downward Facing Dog) </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
I just completed another yoga weekend and am 16 hours closer to my certification. Yay! Every weekend of this training deserves an entire blog entry on its own...the combined energy of the women in this program is just incredible and the weekends are so inspiring, rejuvenating and revealing to me. However, I have decided to dedicate this post to my beautiful friend Sam (see past entry re: our divine intervention as well as picture above and below.) Today was a very special day, as Sam completed the program and graduated!<br />
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I have learned so much from Sam in the short two months I have known her. She is pure positive energy and love. She has a beautiful, almost child-like joy and awe for the world around her. She is known as the resident "crier" in the teacher training program, which I adore. She wears her heart on her sleeve and just loves her yoga so much that the tears come every time she speaks about it. She seems so comfortable in her skin and sure of what she wants to do in this world: to someday be a mom and to teach yoga to children. I know that yoga had everything to do with her being able to so freely express herself the way she does today, which is so inspiring to me as a beginner in the program and quite honestly, as someone really learning how to be completely myself.<br />
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I know that Sam came into my life for a reason, and she says the same about meeting me. Sam is here for me as I learn to release my attachment to material things, labels and thoughts around how things "should be." Sam is far removed from the "keeping up with the Jones" mentality and lives a peaceful life doing what she loves: just being herself in the world and not giving a second thought to what anyone else thinks about her choices. <br />
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She says I am here at just the right time in her life to offer support and wisdom as she contemplates beginning the journey towards the event that she has been anticipating more than anything in her life: becoming a mother. And I cannot wait to watch her become the beautiful, loving and energetic mom that I know she will be. I hope that I can be exactly what she needs during this time of her life.<br />
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The following is an excerpt from Sam's presentation that she gave today as part of her graduation requirements:<br />
<br />
"...what I have known since I first stepped on my mat is that I need to share this with the younger generations. I feel that if children were given the gift of yoga at a young age it would benefit them for the rest of their lives. The gift of breath and movement sounds so simple, but this is where the lessons begin. To show them how they can control how they feel simply by how they breathe; how to reduce stress, create energy, and detoxify their bodies so they can perform to their highest potential, that is my wish. To teach them that lengthening their bodies and relaxing into a posture can bring peace of mind and body. And to teach them that when times are trying and they feel anxious, worried or any emotion that is not pleasant to them, their yoga is there for them off the mat too. Yoga will always be there whenever they need to access it to overcome any opposition that may arise in their lives. These are lessons that have been passed down for centuries from sages that are much more knowledgable and enlightened than I am, but to have the opportunity now to pass on what I can to young people is an honor and a privilege. I feel that teaching yoga to children will have an impact long after I have left this Earth."<br />
<br />
Sam....as Maureen said...."Step into it." I also say "Let your light shine," because the world will be a much brighter place. Congratulations my friend.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=2079966&id=617772618" id="myphotolink" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img height="453" id="myphoto" src="http://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v2051/138/5/617772618/n617772618_2080026_9140.jpg" width="604" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Sam just being Sam</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03038146609591067005noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1902502042093936674.post-68617715953811238102011-02-03T22:05:00.000-08:002011-02-03T22:22:26.808-08:00Reflection and New Beginnings<div><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms, sans-serif;">Today marks the one year anniversary of a day that changed my life. It was the day I was laid off from my sales job and stripped of one of my major external identities. For me, this year has been a juxtaposition of significant hardship and deep contentment; of great uncertainty and also a peaceful knowingness that I have never experienced before. </span></div><div></div><div><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms, sans-serif;">I have been transformed and will continue to transform. Do I attribute this solely to the event of losing my job? No, although I definitely believe it to be a trigger event that propelled me further along the path of personal growth and development, which is why I am choosing to recognize this particular day. </span><br />
<br />
</div><div></div><div><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms, sans-serif;">Anyhow, I have been contemplating how to share my experiences and revelations with those who are closest with me, so I have decided to enter the world of blogging. I feel it is important for me to share my soul in order to continue to live an authentic life. The transformation that is ocurring within me is much too great for me to not talk about with my closest friends and family. Additionally, I am realizing that as I awaken to my true self/nature that I am choosing to end certain behaviors that do not serve me or my core values anymore and the thoughts I express here may help to offer an explanation for any changes seen in me. Rest assured, I am not going through a crisis or trying to latch on to a new identity. Rather, these changes are inevitable as I awaken to my true nature and gain a heightened sense of self awareness. Through practices such as yoga, meditation and self study I have expanded my consciousness and the result has been unparalled feelings of health, wholeness and well-being that I have never experienced before. So another goal with sharing this information is that it might resonate and help someone advance on his or her own personal journey towards optimal health and well being. I truly believe this way of being and living is accessible to everyone and is what we, as humans, are destined for.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms, sans-serif;"> </span></div><div></div><div><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms, sans-serif;">Without going too far back in history, I will just say that my life has always been rich with blessings. Like many, I know that on the outside I appeared to have everything I could possibly want, and I did. However, like many people have been known to say, I felt that something was missing; like there had to be more to life than what I was experiencing. When I felt this way, I would instantly feel guilty or judge these thoughts, dismissing my feelings by telling myself I had everything I could possibly want. Clearly, I was looking to all things external for peace and happiness. I also used to blame these feelings on a lack of inspiring work, which I definitely think was part of it, but one must take full responsibility for their own well being and happiness. (In regard to work, I also believe it is not necessarily WHAT you are doing but HOW you do it that really matters.) Long story short, these feelings inspired me to explore the subject of personal growth, self development and spirituality. Some of the earliest books and teachers that I exposed myself to were Dr. Wayne Dyer (specifically Manifest Your Destiny) and Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now and A New Earth). These books were instrumental in shifting my consciousness from just my thoughts to the awareness behind my thoughts. According to Dr. Elliott Dacher in his wonderful book "Integral Health, The Path to Human Flourishing" it is a very important shift to be able to simply observe the mind, as it frees up some space between a thought and your emotional reaction to it, offering a significant release from needless suffering. I also started practicing yoga. As I continued down this path of inner exploration I knew in my heart that I was not doing work that inspired my soul. And I struggled with that, yet I still did not know exactly what I wanted to do. (Now I have learned that I could not have reasoned my way to figuring out what my true calling was or forced a solution, but believe me, I definitely tried!) Becoming a mother was also an overwhelmingly tranformative experience that caused me to further realize the importance of never wasting a second of this precious life. It also made me determined to set an example for my daughters on what it means to live a life of integrity and wholeness.</span><br />
<br />
</div><div></div><div><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms, sans-serif;">So one year ago today, when I was called into the conference room to receive the news that the company I worked for was reducing its sales staff by almost half, I knew that this was a gift from the universe to allow me time to pause, reflect and create the exact life I wanted for myself. Being 9 months pregnant with my second baby, it was also clearly a blessing to have unexpected time home with my children.</span><br />
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</div><div></div><div><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms, sans-serif;">I will not say it has been all rosy. Losing your job is still traumatic and it took its toll both financially and emotionally on our family. But I strive to remain thankful for all that shows up in my life, particularly the challenges, as they certainly do provide the most opportunity for growth. This year has been a prime example of that for me. While there is still a long road to get to where I dream of being, I can say with complete certainty that I am enjoying every step of the journey.</span><br />
</div><div><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms, sans-serif;"> </span></div><div><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms, sans-serif;">I could not have guessed looking ahead one year that I would be enrolled in a Yoga Teacher Training Program. In addition to this, I have decided to begin a 10 month program next week to earn a Health Coaching Certification through B1 Community (</span><a href="http://www.b1community.com/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms, sans-serif;">www.b1community.com</span></a><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms, sans-serif;">). Many of you might be wondering what this term "Health Coach" really means. That's ok, it even took me a while to wrap my head around it, which I think is an indication of our culture's connotation of the word "health." (Most people think primarily of the physcial body, but the type of health I am referring to is an integration of a person's body, mind and spirit, which creates everlasting, sustainable health and wellness and authentic happiness.)</span><br />
<br />
</div><div></div><div><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms, sans-serif;">So here is my best explanation. The following is taken from the reading assignment for my first class:</span><br />
<br />
</div><div></div><div><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms, sans-serif;">"In North America, we come from a mechanistic, fragmented perception and are moving into one of wholeness and connection. This is called the paradigm shift and can be seen in every field. It began to be noticed in the 1940s with quantum physics and has spread to all areas of our culture.</span><br />
<br />
</div><div align="left"><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms, sans-serif;">It is important to realize that the creation of the B1 Health Coaching role matches the paradigm shift. The role is an integrated one based on wholeness and connection. B1 health coaches address the whole person--body, emotions, mind, energy and spirit. Generally speaking, these areas have been divided up so that doctors take care of the physical body, the psychologists care for the mental and emotional aspects of a person, the person of the church attends to the spiritual needs and almost no one in North America until recently has worked with the energy system of a person. B1 health coaching is based on the concept that all systems are connected to one another.</span><br />
</div><br />
<div align="left"><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms, sans-serif;">In conclusion to this very lengthy blog post, I would like to share a few additional excerpts that really spoke to me from "Integral Health, The Path to Human Flourishing" by Dr. Elliott Dacher.</span><br />
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</div><div align="left"></div><div><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms, sans-serif;">"All of us want a life of authentic health, happiness and wholeness. We want to go beyond our usual sense of health and life. We want to live with purpose, passion, intimacy and joy. But you have to want that with your whole being. You have to want that more than the comfort of what you now know because authentic health will change you. Conventional health is simple. Just follow what you've learned. A far-reaching health requires a transformation of the mind and heart. This holistic and evolutionary shift results in integral health.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms, sans-serif;">What is holding us back? Why have we settled for ordinary health when so much more is possible? The answer is so close that it is difficult for us to see. We've been trained to deal with suffering, distress and disease by looking outside of ourselves by relying on remedies, therapies, techniques, health practicioners, self help, and self-improvement programs. Similarly we have been trained to look outward for happiness seeking pleasure from materialism, success, fame, romance, sexuality, alcohol and drugs. These can comfort us for moments but cannot transform our ordinary health into enduring, exceptional health.</span><br />
</div><div><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms, sans-serif;">For this we need to redirect our efforts. We have been looking outward towards wordly experiences rather than inward towards our essence. That is our dilemma in the West. We have gained mastery over the physical and lost touch with the spiritual. To transform life and health we must shift our gaze inward where we will find the ever present source of exceptional health and healing.</span></div><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br />
<div><br />
<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms, sans-serif;">Each of us is given a sealed envelope at birth containing a map with instructions that can take us to a precious health and life. At several points in each lifetime we are given the opportunity to open this envelope and discover its inner contents. Perhaps it is through a communion with nature, the arts, or athletic competition where we briefly touch an elevated state. Or perhaps it is a brush with serious disease, death or loss, manybe an unexpected moment of illumination and inspiration, or a persistent and unrelenting sense that there is more to life than we are living. Some of us will be profoundly and permanently moved by such experiences, grasp the opportunity and begin down the path toward what were previously unknown and unimagined possibilities. Yet most of us will be too busy, too content, too quick to apply a remedy and diagnostic label to suffering, too preoccupied with the materialism of life or too hypnotized by everyday existence. Caught in the perpetual cycle of day to day life with its alternating pleasures and pains, some of us will let this uniquely human opportunity slip away unnoticed. We will pass this unopened envelope on to the next generation, assuring ourselves of a "normal" life and ordinary health, leaving the deeper mystery and its treasures for others to ponder." </span></div><div></div><div><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms, sans-serif;">I know that I have never wanted to settle for ordinary with anything, especially when it comes to my life! How about you?</span></div><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span>Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03038146609591067005noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1902502042093936674.post-50391546578255070272011-01-25T21:31:00.000-08:002011-02-03T09:25:57.329-08:00First Teacher Training Weekend<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">This post was written in my journal back in November...just posting to my blog now....</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I completed my first weekend workshop yesterday and wanted to write about my experience while it still fresh in my mind (and in my muscles…ouch!)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>First, let me explain that I am going for my RYT (Registered Yoga Teacher )200, which is the first level of certification recognized by Yoga Alliance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The program consists of 200 training hours that are built through workshops, practicum hours and self study.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I started researching programs in the area, I basically decided on the one offered by Maureen Miller at Living Yoga in Concord, NH before even speaking to her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I loved what I read on her website </span><a href="http://www.livinglifemakingchoices.com/"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">www.livinglifemakingchoices.com</span></a><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> , loved the structure of the program and just felt it would be a perfect fit for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I met Maureen at the studio it was definitely a cosmic connection.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We immediately clicked and have so much in common.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our brief meeting at the studio turned into a lunch that stretched on for hours at the Bagel Works.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What really got us jabbering is the fact that Maureen just started her own life/health coaching practice, which is something I have always dreamed of doing. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is awesome and since we are so much alike, I guess that means that I am pretty awesome too </span><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyhow, there happened to be a teacher training workshop that very next weekend and <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maureen encouraged me to attend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I decided to ride the wave of energy I was feeling, jump right in, and am so glad I did.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">While driving to the studio that sunny, cold November music, the first song that played over my Sirius radio was Glow by Donovan Frankenreiter </span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwznGu7y8JU"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwznGu7y8JU</span></a><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">(and yes, the inspiration for the name of this blog!)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I immediately welled up with happy tears, as this song has become my own personal anthem as I work towards shedding layers and allowing my true self to shine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just love the words and upbeat melody.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Whenever I hear it </span>I also think of my beautiful daughters, friends, family and really all of humanity and wish the same for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It makes me boo-hoo every time I hear it. ( I know, very sappy but I can’t help it.)</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The weekend started with a morning Primary Series class at the studio (</span><a href="http://www.livingyoga.com/"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">www.livingyoga.com</span></span></a><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While I have never practiced Ashtanga Yoga it is very similar to Power Yoga (Power Yoga is derived from Ashtanga.) Let me insert a side story here that when I signed up for this training, I was not even certain what Ashtanga Yoga was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maureen told me in general terms what it was, but I liked Maureen so much and had such a good feeling about everything that I truthfully did not give it much thought.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The style of Yoga was secondary to me; primarily when searching for a teacher training program, I wanted to make sure that I connected with my teacher and the philosophy of the program.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well let me just say that Ashtanga Yoga is AMAZING, perfect for me, and just another very obvious sign I am in the right place. Certain postures/sequences were different but overall the class had a similar flow to the Power Yoga that started my love affair with yoga.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The temperature in the room was cozy but not stifling hot, which I actually prefer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The instructor was so inspiring. Her name is Beth and she is the owner of the studio.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is tall, beautiful and totally commanded the room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She regularly travels to India and is becoming fluent in Sanskrit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To hear her chant was like listening to music. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyhow, the Primary Series consists of the same postures performed in the same sequence every time with vinyasas between almost every posture, which makes it very flowy, fast and challenging.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was a little lost given it was my first Primary Series class but was also hooked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the class WORKED me; I was so tired and sore afterwards, but also blissful!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I realized the first weekend that I was going to need to let go of judgments I had about my body.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I found myself wanting to be perfect in each asana and worrying that my legs are too long or my feet are too flat to ever be “good” at yoga.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How silly that is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My body is perfect as it was created and yoga is for EVERYONE.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Enough said about that (but still working on it :-)!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">This particular weekend was technically the last weekend of the year-long program.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But since you can enroll and start at any point, it happened to be my first workshop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It focused on inversions, which are so fun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love standing on my head and being upside down. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I believe it helps you see things in a different perspective. I love the space at the Living Yoga Studio.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is so warm and cozy and smells softly like incense and as new as I was to it all, I felt like I had come home.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Another sign that this is indeed where I am meant to be was a friendship I developed almost instantly. When I signed up for the training and Maureen saw where I lived, she said "Oh, I am pretty sure one of the other students in the class lives in Francestown." I smiled and nodded politely but was thinking in my head "She must be mistaken. NO ONE lives in Francestown and on top of that, the studio in Concord is almost an hour away." Sure enough, the first morning I arrived she introduced me to Sam who does, in fact, live in Francestown, about two minutes from my house. We carpool together and she is one of the sweetest people I have ever met. I feel so thankful that our paths crossed. </span></div>Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03038146609591067005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1902502042093936674.post-78515992798260979622011-01-25T21:18:00.000-08:002011-02-03T09:24:40.301-08:00Intro and Background<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I decided to start this journal as a way to process and document my experience as I begin a yoga teacher training program. But the idea quickly transformed into a bigger vision.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> If anyone knows me you will know that I am not very savvy when it comes to technology but I thought it would be really cool to start a blog and a fun, practical way to keep friends and family in the loop about what I am up to. However, again, a bigger vision came into focus. </span>With my decision to enter into a yoga training program came a long awaited realization that living an authentic, purposeful life is available and attainable to everyone, including me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It feels amazing and I want to share it with anyone who is interested. I sincerely hope that something here will resonate with someone and bring him or her one step further along in their own personal journey towards awakening to their authentic selves and living lives full of peace, happiness and contentment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am not claiming to be an expert although I do have a deep passion and interest in the field of personal and spiritual growth and development. Primarily, I am just human like everyone else trying to make the most of this life that I am blessed to have been given.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is an unlimited amount of potential for personal, physical and spiritual growth through yoga and everyday life experiences, and I look forward to sharing what I learn!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My Yoga Background</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I started practicing yoga about seven years ago at a Baron Baptiste Power Yoga Studio in Merrimack, NH on a recommendation from a friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I clearly remember my first class because it (or shall I say “I”) was a complete and utter disaster.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If anyone is familiar with Power Yoga, you will know it is a fast paced, very flowy and extremely physical style of yoga.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On top of that, the temperature in the room is cranked up to almost 100 degrees.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Probably not the best choice for a beginner but you have to start somewhere!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyhow, I remember the instructor adjusting me on practically every pose (or at least the poses I attempted to get into.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t even know how to do the most basic postures, such as downward dog, and I felt so awkward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I lacked body awareness and had no concept of how to twist & lengthen into these foreign poses, and my extremely tight muscles were not allowing me much freedom to do so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Not understanding that one of the main philosophies of yoga is non-judgement, m</span>y ego was crushed as I compared myself to all the Gumby-like bodies in the class and attempted to muscle my way into all the poses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a good thing I did not end up seriously injured.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Despite this, I went back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It could have been my perfectionist nature wanting to master this yoga thing, but looking back I think it was the beginning of a long curiosity surrounding the ancient practice of Yoga.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At first, the benefits I perceived from Yoga were purely physical.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Baptiste Power Yoga is a workout like no other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It increases your heart rate while building incredible strength and flexibility throughout every muscle group in your body and since my clothes and hair would literally be drenched with perspiration after class I was convinced I was sweating out any yucky toxins in my body.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt incredible after practicing this type of yoga.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">According to Deepak Chopra in the Seven Spiritual Laws of Yoga “<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">If the practice of yoga provided only these physical benefits, it would fully justify its place in our lives. However, at its core, yoga is much more than a system of physical fitness. It is a science of balanced living, a path for realizing full human potential.”</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">These words sum up exactly why I have decided to immerse myself in a teacher training.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do I want to teach?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Possibly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love the idea of sharing yoga with others…particularly Yoga “off the mat.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But primarily I cannot wait to witness the personal spiritual and physical growth that I know will occur in the next year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>intend to use my experience to help others with their own personal development and truly cannot think of any other type of work that would bring me such joy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So even though this leg of my journey has just begun I am already experiencing unprecedented peace and contentment in my life because I know I am on the exact path I am supposed to be on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess I have always been since everything I have experienced has brought me here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03038146609591067005noreply@blogger.com0