Friday, October 25, 2013

Was Blind But Now I See

Has it really been six months since my last post?  I believe I have waited so long to write because I have so much I want to say and I am overwhelmed and not really sure where to start.  I am not sure if blogging is the best match for my skill set, as I am pretty sure successful bloggers pick one topic per post and write about it in a concise fashion, maybe inserting a relevant quote or a pretty picture but I am not concise and I am terrible with even the basics of technology so I struggle.  I believe I would make a better writer (like of a book) since I am a really fast at typing and would be able to give excruciatingly painful details (which is how my husband describes the way I tell stories, but my women friends find fascinating and witty.)

Anyhow, as I look back at the evolution of my blog, it is clear that I started writing during a vulnerable, yet exciting time of life when I embarked on what I would call a quest for truth.  A series of challenges in my life  clearly showed me that I was not in control and forced me to seriously start questioning exactly who was.  I also needed some coping skills to navigate the stormy seas I was entering because at times, I literally felt like I was drowning.  It was uncharted territory for me...my security as I knew it was being stripped away as a result of job loss, which led to a certain identity crisis not to mention financial fears and struggles, which led to marital problems and exposed all sorts of cracks in the foundation of my life.  And of course this was all happening during a season when we were in the midst of raising our very small children (throw in a unplanned pregnancy with child #3), which is a time of life that under the best circumstances can cause even the most sane person to come completely undone!

I will save the details of my journey for my book :-) but the purpose of this entry is to bring a conclusion to this wild ride I have been on for the last few years and mark the next chapter of my journey.  Now that the dark clouds are behind me I can clearly see in the rear view mirror and make sense of what felt so utterly confusing at the time it was all happening.  What I know now is that there was a purpose for my suffering and there is a purpose for every person's suffering.  And that if you are sincere in your efforts to know the Truth, you will find it.  If you are open and wait in faith, the answers will come.  "Ask, and you will receive. Search, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened for you."  That is exactly what I set out to do in the beginning of my spiritual quest that started with studying and practicing yoga, a dedicated meditation practice and a delve into Interfaith Religion.  Little did I know that this intense time of seeking would lead me straight to the person who holds the answers to every single one of life's questions:  Jesus Christ.  Ever hear of him?  And to the book that is such an amazing gift from God offering a complete set of instructions on how to experience the abundant peace, joy, love, security, health and wholeness that God intends for our lives : the Bible.  Ever heard of that book? 
 
 I was quite familiar with both Jesus and the Bible having spent my childhood at church and Sunday school   and having been raised in a Christian family, but why on Earth would I find the answers THERE?  Being the rebel that I am, I had to go and find the answers MY way.  But God allowed that for me, as He gently and lovingly used these experiences to lead me right back to Him and into a relationship with Jesus.  My departure into relative truth (i.e. rationalizing what essentially was sinful behavior) helped me to discover absolute truth.  As a new Christian, I am practically bursting at the seams I am so full of love and awe and gratitude that will spend the rest of this Earthly life and beyond in the loving embrace of my Creator.  I just wonder why it took me so long to figure this all out but also know that only God has the answer to that question.  Yet, I do ponder daily another burning question that remains for me: how can I help spread the good news of the Gospel to our broken world that is so desperately in need of the healing power of Jesus?  How can the Church (which really means followers of Jesus)  make his beautiful teachings resonate in a world that seems to have deemed Christianity as corrupt and hypocritical, or for weirdos without a brain, or just plain uncool?

Recently I had the amazing opportunity to travel to Dartmouth College to hear a lecture given by Ravi Zacharius who is a Christian apologetic (which is an interesting name for someone who actually argues and defends FOR the faith).  I strongly suggest that anyone with questions about Christianity (and let me PLEASE insert here that any true seeker SHOULD have questions and doubts, and that being a Christian does not mean you check your brain at the door and accept any teachings with blind faith.)  I challenge you to seek the answers to your questions and to test the VALIDITY of the faith as an important part of the process.  If you are so inclined to do this, Ravi Zacharius provides extremely intelligent and LOGICAL answers to many of the difficult questions people have surrounding the Christian faith.

Anyhow, in Ravi's book "Has Christianity Failed You?" he quotes a British author by the name of A.N. Wilson, "who only a few years ago was known for his scathing attacks on Christianity and his mockery of its sacred truths.  This year, Wilson celebrated Easter at a church with a group of other church members, proclaiming that the Jesus of the Gospels is the only story that makes sense out of life and its challenges."  Here is Wilson in his own words, which for me summarizes why so many of us in today's times, including myself, have experienced an aversion to Christianity:

"Why did I, along with so many others, become so dismissive of Christianity? 

Like most educated people in Britain and Northern Europe, I have grown up in a culture that is overwhelmingly secular and anti-religious.  The universities, broadcasters, and media generally are not merely non-religious, they are positively anti.

To my shame, I believe it was this that made me lose faith and heart in my youth.  It felt so uncool to be religious.  With the mentality of a child in the playground, I felt at some visceral level that being religious was unsexy, like having spots or wearing specs.

This playground mentality accounts for much of the attitude toward Christianity that you pick up, say, from the alternative comedians, and the casual light blasphemy of jokes on TV or radio.

It also lends weight to the fervor of the ant-God fanatics, such as the writer Christopher Hitchen and the geneticist Richard Dawkins, who think all the evil in the world is actually caused by religion...

My own return to faith has surprised no one more than myself.  Why did I return to it?  Partially, perhaps it is no more than the confidence I have gained with age.

...My belief has come about in large measure because of the lives and examples of people I have known - not the famous, not saints, but friends and relations who have lived, and faced death, in the light of the resurrection story, or in the quiet acceptance that they have a future after they die."

I also agree that my belief has in large part come from the magic I have seen happen before my very eyes.  I have witnessed prayers that are miraculously answered, I have seen supernatural transformation, healing and restoration brought into my life and marriage as a result of placing God and Biblical principles at the center of them, and I have felt a river of joy rushing through me DESPITE the circumstances I find myself in.  Simply put, I have tested the teachings of Jesus and Christianity and they work, and I feel more alive and full of hope and possibility than I ever have before.  This is all the proof I need to believe that God is real, and that Jesus is "the way, the Truth and the life."  Thankfully, I have worked through the whole idea that it's not cool to love Jesus.  (He knows I felt that way at one time and loves me anyway!  Yay!)  So I am excited to put it out there to all my faithful blog followers (if any remain!)