“And now I cling to what I knew
I saw exactly what was true
But oh no more.
That's why I hold,
That's why I hold with all I have.
That's why I hold.”
I saw exactly what was true
But oh no more.
That's why I hold,
That's why I hold with all I have.
That's why I hold.”
These lyrics are from the song title “After the Storm” by Mumford and Sons. This group’s music and lyrics are quite spiritual in nature and many of them have become personal anthems to me as I continue to unfold and grow on my own journey. I feel this verse in particular sums up my greatest takeaway from Margaret’s meditation workshop.
As a relatively new meditator, I believe I spent some time in what I would call a" honeymoon phase" with meditation. I felt many effects almost immediately after I started meditating such as inner peace, stillness of the mind and mental and emotional spaciousness. I had never taken the time to just sit in silence and do the work it takes to focus your attention, start to quiet the mind and discover what is beneath all of the mental chatter, and it was exhilarating and liberating.
During the month of my workshop, however, I experienced what I would describe as a shift in mood or a mild bout of depression. These low energy feelings and emotions were not new to me, but they certainly did not fit with what I had more recently been experiencing…feelings I would describe as joy, contentment and ease. Enter here the lyrics from above…”And now I cling to what I knew, I saw exactly what was true, But oh no more.” Oh no more. In this negative emotional state I could not seem to access those feelings that I had deemed as “positive” no matter how desperately I wanted to. What I came to realize was that I was clinging and had become quite attached to the idea of feeling good. Yes, feeling good is nice and comfortable but feeling bad is just as normal and a natural part of the human experience. The Truth that is ultimately revealed during meditation is actually what lies below and gives rise to both of these feeling states.
So I decided to take the teachings I had been learning and continue to sit with what I was feeling instead of trying to change it, as challenging as that was to me. I also decided to stop clinging to how I thought I should be feeling, since I recognized that this judgment was creating a lot of inner turmoil. What I ultimately learned from this experience is that both feeling good and feeling bad are simply temporary, transient conditions, just like our thoughts are just energy forms that rise and fall within our consciousness. And that the point of meditation is not to necessarily help you feel good all the time, but to simply hold the space for yourself to experience it all. Through the practice of sitting and observing your thoughts and the workings of your mind the real Truth is revealed to you…this Truth is the unchanging stillness within each of us that silently witnesses our ever-changing moods, thoughts and feelings. It is, in fact, the same consciousness that holds the entire universe and remains completely unaffected by external conditions. By beginning to identify yourself as your spirit, or the observer, instead of as your thoughts, emotions or life circumstances you are able to live peacefully from a state of equanimity since things are not good or bad from this perspective, they just are. You also begin to organically live as your highest, authentic self and not from the beliefs and barriers created by your mind or ego.
While this Truth is right there for all of us to choose at any moment it does take work and a true commitment and desire to train and harness the mind. With the proper intention and a small amount of effort on a daily basis anyone can achieve similar results. And as this song so beautifully describes, once the Truth is experienced, there is no turning back.
